Biden Admin Shocked Iran Still Fomenting Terror After Pinky-Swear

Malley and his team had assumed a pinky-swear from Iran’s negotiators signified a reliable commitment to change direction.

Washington, December 30 – Senior American diplomatic officials voiced their dismay today upon discovering that despite extraction by those officials of a commitment from Tehran, backed by a binding gesture involving the fifth finger, not to underwrite, coordinate, or support attacks on civilians and US allies in the Middle East, the regime continues to engage in such problematic behavior. A State Department spokesman declined to specify what steps the administration might take in response.

Robert Malley, the United States Special Envoy for Iran, acknowledged Thursday that a pinky-swear he and his negotiating staff had won from the Iranian delegation in Vienna after hours of hard-nosed bargaining, to the effect that the Islamic Republic will cease its support for terrorism and imperialism in the region, appears not to have had the desired outcome.

“We are conducting consultations as to how to react to this development,” Malley noted.

In addition to its pursuit of nuclear weapons, Iran has long sought regional hegemony by means of undermining neighboring countries and either installing puppets or exploiting the resulting political instability to achieve its aims. The regime has also supplied, trained, funded, and directed terrorist groups and attacks against rivals’ interests, both in the Middle East and elsewhere, as far away as South America. In parallel, the Ayatollahs have pursued ballistic missile technology as a means to deliver a nuclear strike. A much-touted 2015 deal under the Obama administration claimed to curtail various elements of that malignant package, while in effect granting Iran sanctions relief and a clear path to nuclear weapons without constraining the regime’s violent, destabilizing machinations in Gaza, Lebanon, Iraq, Yemen, Afghanistan, Syria, and elsewhere. Malley and his team had assumed a pinky-swear from Iran’s negotiators signified a reliable commitment to change direction.

“I’ll admit we had assumed a pinky-swear meant serious business,” allowed Malley. “That’s generally how we, culturally, have treated it ever since I can remember. At least since I was a little boy. It’s possible Persian sensibilities take a different view of such a gesture. There’s almost no way to know, given the strict adherence to their commitments the Iranians have always shown on this and other subjects, as became clear before, during, and since the Obama administration.”

Other sources within the administration recalled that a good number of the difficulties during the negotiations occurred when the Iranian delegation “called” certain privileges, thus securing a claim that the American team felt powerless to counter.

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