The Party sought a ‘Biden’ that would convincingly replicate the original, but not exhibit quite enough decline to prompt invocation of the 25th Amendment.
Washington, June 16 – The manufacturer of an android that had stood in for the 46th US president since last year’s election campaign assured concerned observers today that while it may appear the unit’s unforced errors, memory lapses, and rhetorical flubs indicate a hardware or software problem, in fact it functions exactly as the real Biden would under the same circumstances.
Dr. Bill Jiden of D. Pfake Laboratories spoke to reporters Thursday following a cluster of incidents over the last several weeks in which the “President Joe Biden” robot made numerous public mistakes, prompting fears in some circles that the leader-of-the-free-world android suffers from declining cognitive abilities and impaired processing. The lead scientist behind the construction of the android disclosed that the unit’s capacity to replicate the president’s own decaying mind and body shows how robust and capable it is.
“I would say, rather than concerned, we should be pleased,” insisted Dr. Jiden. “Back in the summer when we did the actual replacement of the person with the android, no one could tell the difference except for a few conspiracy-theory-mongering websites, and no one serious pays attention to those. Now, with ‘President Biden’ confusing Syria with Libya three times in a row, forgetting he’d already introduced the South African president, and a bunch of other so-called mistakes, we have an even clearer demonstration of the unit’s emulative capacity. Kudos to our developers and programmers, really.”
The Biden Decoy System (BDS) began as a Democratic Party initiative to prevent the president’s controllers from losing their precious charge, and to have to face a less-pliable Vice President Kamala Harris if or when the latter must replace an incapacitated Biden. The Party sought a “Biden” that would convincingly replicate the original, but not exhibit quite enough decline to prompt invocation of the 25th Amendment. BDS developers worked to give their product the most realistic effect possible, and have voiced satisfaction with the unit’s verisimilitude, down to the creepy way the android sniffs the hair of women standing nearby.
Initial development of the BDS faced a major hurdle in Party insistence that the android use no Israeli components or technology. That restriction delayed the release of the system by several months as programmers struggled to adapt alternatives for inclusion in the android. In the end the BDS developers availed themselves of Chinese and Russian alternatives to the Israeli components, resulting in yet another point of similarity between the original and its replica.
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