Bir Zeit Mathematics Students Aim To Prove Equivalence Of Terrorists, Victims

“My friends and I realized there is no better time than right now to get started on this project,” said Stabr.

Ramallah, June 30 – Undergraduate researchers at this institution north of the Palestinian capital have launched a project aimed at developing a mathematical proof that equates the deaths of terrorists with the deaths of their victims.

Hedd Stabr, Souss Adbamr, and Qid Qilr, all juniors pursuing BS degrees in Bir Zeit University’s mathematics department, announced today they had received approval from their professors and academic advisers to pursue such a proof as part of a multi-year project required for the degree. The three students received final approval this morning, and decided to make their announcement immediately after they received news that a 17-year-old Palestinian had just stabbed to death a 13-year-old Israeli girl in her bedroom.

“My friends and I realized there is no better time than right now to get started on this project,” said Stabr, 20. “We aim to develop a mathematical proof that demonstrates empirically that on a moral plane, the death of, for example, the seventeen-year-old Palestinian heroic martyr at the hands of the brutal occupying Zionist pig security forces, in the aftermath of his heroic commando operation to infiltrate the quarters of a squatter pig and eliminate her, is morally equivalent to her death, and can be treated as such without qualms by the media.”

“Of course the proof will be of use in other situations, as well,” added Adbamr. “For example, when Hamas or allied groups fire rockets into Israel from the Gaza Strip and Israel takes military action to suppress the rocket fire, any Palestinian deaths will be mathematically proven as equivalent to Israeli casualties suffered in the initial rocket barrage.”

Qilr noted that numerous media outlets appear to be aware this equivalence exists, but that no formal examination of it appears to exists in the academic literature on mathematics. “It’s more or less unprecedented for a bunch of undergraduates to develop a robust and widely applicable mathematical proof,” he gushed. “And sometimes the most difficult mathematical proofs are the ones that seem not to need proof because they are obvious to the observer. It will be a real coup for us to succeed.”

Qilr’s adviser, Professor Mustafa Massikr, expressed pride in his charge’s ambition. “Mr. Qilr has a real head on his shoulders,” he beamed. “He could really go far in this field, if our society were ever able to escape the subordination of every single realm of life to our obsession with killing as many Jews as possible and ridding the land of them by whatever means.”