Bombed-Out Gaza ‘Metro’ Tunnel Network Still Safer Than NY Subway

The MTA might not have put so many of its assets directly in the path of an aerial bombing onslaught, but it can still proudly claim it runs the most dangerous system of tunnels in the world.

New York, May 19 – Observers of the IDF operation before and during the weekend to lure hundreds of terrorists into position in underground passages in anticipation of an Israeli ground incursion into the Gaza Strip, only to have the Israel Air Force drop hundreds of heavy bombs on the passages, noted that despite the destruction, violence, and hazards within and above that warren of passages, it remains less hazardous than the subterranean mass-transit system in the Big Apple.

Transportation and urban safety experts stated today that the New York City Subway system has a long way to go before it reaches the same level of reliability, soundness, comfort, safety, and ventilation as the Hamas “Metro” network of tunnels, bunkers, command facilities, ammunition dumps, and other spaces that the group had hoped to exploit to inflict heavy casualties on any invading ground force from Israel, but that Israel neutralized by means of a ruse and air attacks last Thursday night.

“I’m sure the tunnels in Gaza are an unpleasant place to be right now,” acknowledged Straphangers’ Campaign director emeritus Gene Russianoff. “But we’ve got them beat by a significant margin in almost every department: health hazards, stench, air circulation, rats, violence, number of dangerous lunatics, noise, filth, mechanical breakdowns, lousy maintenance, surly personnel, basically everything. The Metropolitan Transportation Authority might not have fallen for a trick that put so many of its assets directly in the path of an aerial bombing onslaught, but that organization can still proudly claim it runs the most dangerous system of tunnels in the world.”

The official IDF Twitter account posted an ambiguous message Thursday afternoon to the effect that the army had commenced ground operations, leading the New York Times to report that Israel was now launching an infantry and cavalry incursion into the Gaza Strip to suppress rocket fire into Israel and destroy whatever other assets of Hamas and allied jihadi militia they could. The sound of tank engines massed just outside the Gaza-Israel barrier, plus the dust kicked up by moving vehicles, led the Times journalists to believe an incursion was beginning, or would soon begin. In fact no ground operations had begun, but in the rush to scoop their rivals, the Times reporters ran with the news item before attempting to confirm its accuracy. Hamas commanders took the Times item at face value and rushed their men into the Metro, whereupon Israel targeted the area with hundreds of high-explosive bombs, resulting in an unknown but significant number of Hamas casualties and rendering the Metro useless for its intended purpose. But by consensus of experts it remains a more welcoming place than the NY City subway.

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