Boy Suspects Dog That Ate Homework A Mossad Agent

“I have made some interesting friends since going public about my suspicions.”

London, July 12 – A student whose grades suffered this past school year because his pet kept attacking and swallowing his assignments before he could submit them believes the phenomenon part of a larger plot to foil his ambitions and subject him to numerous mild harassments, an initiative of Israel’s secret intelligence and operations agency aimed at keeping the country’s foes off-balance.

Oscar Buckley, 12, suspects that his family’s Welsh corgi underwent Mossad training to identify and destroy, preferably by eating, any homework in her vicinity. According to Buckley, who will begin his second year at Fehnwirth School in September – the rough equivalent of seventh grade in other countries – four-year-old Chuzzlewit ate his homework no fewer than six times over the last three terms, with the dog managing to destroy only projects that contributed significant weight to his grade for that term. The coincidence nudged him toward the tentative conclusion that Chuzzlewit underwent Mossad training before or shortly after the Buckley family acquired her, and that the canine’s ability to identify only important assignments indicates a broader set of operations to disrupt the lives and activities of Israel’s opponents.

“It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve done something that you might think is absurd or unlikely,” he explained. “Remember when they stole that activist’s shoe? We already know they train any number of counterintuitive animal species to do their dirty work: sharks, dolphins, migrating birds, and who can forget all the wild boars they dispatch to destroy Palestinian farms. All that’s common knowledge. To people in the know, anyway. But my teachers had trouble believing me even the first time I said my dog ate my homework; forget about my credibility when I had to report it happening the other five times, let alone when I mentioned a Zionist conspiracy. I barely passed, two years in a row, and only because I managed to redo the assignments somehow. No wonder my dad keeps talking about how the Jews keep everyone else down. But I have made some interesting friends since going public about my suspicions.”

“It’s quite diabolically clever, really,” acknowledged Nigel, Oscar’s father. “We’ve bonded with the pup ever so well – who could ever suspect such a darling creature? It’s impossible to stay angry at her, isn’t it? Who’s my sweet secret agent of the Jews? Who? that’s right, it’s you!” he concluded as Chuzzlewit nipped at his eyebrows and licked his nose.

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