‘Breaking The Silence’ Rep Breaks Non-Pretend Silence By Farting

“There must have been something in the air,” recalled a waitress.

Jerusalem, December 15 – An activist with an organization that claims to highlight instances of abuse by IDF soldiers that have been hushed up managed to disrupt a genuine silence today when he passed gas during a lull in conversation with donors.

Peletz Nod, a field researcher for Breaking the Silence, was immersed in discussion with representatives of two European governments that fund the organization. Purporting to find, uncover, and publicize instances of IDF misconduct against Palestinians that the army allegedly refuses to prosecute, Nod broke a non-imaginary silence as the trio opened their menus at a downtown coffee shop, by producing a bubbling, zipper-like sound from his rectum.

As a result of the audible gaseous emission, a protracted, and, ironically, real, silence was created. Nod himself could not resume conversation, as any attempt to do so would constitute an obvious and clumsy effort to escape the shame of his panty burp. His Swedish and Norwegian colleagues, for their part, refrained from breaking the silence engendered by Nod’s jockey burner, afraid of the same awkwardness. The silence persisted for nearly a full minute, even after the odor of the fizzler dissipated, when a waitress finally offered the three a graceful exit from the social quagmire by asking to take their orders.

“I remember serving those three – two men and a woman,” recalled the server later, unaware of Nod’s one-gun salute. “Not sure what was going on at that table, but there must have been something in the air. Major tension. I must have interrupted something. All of them went red when one of them accidentally ordered a ‘crappucino,’ and I could see the woman trying really, really hard not to laugh out loud. Or maybe cry, I couldn’t tell. She buried her face in her menu and I could see her shaking.”

“You could cut the air with a knife,” said a customer at a neighboring table, similarly oblivious to the trouser trumpet. “I heard what sounded like one of them opening a very long zipper, like of a handbag, and then their whole conversation sort of ceased until the waitress came over. One guy asked her if the place served any popovers, and the woman made a sound like she was in pain. It was out in public, but somebody there just couldn’t hold back.”

The waitress came back later to check on her customers, to discover that they had made quick work of their drinks and food, but their manner indicated they had conducted precious little conversation. “I felt sorry for them,” she confessed. “Sometimes social dynamics are awkward, and it looked like those people were just not very good at breaking the silence.”