Britons Agree Iran Seizure Of Oil Tanker ‘Quite Rude’

“Nearly blinked when I first read of it,” recalled a man at the Piccadilly Circus tube station.

London, July 23 – Citizens of the United Kingdom expressed their sentiments in unusually strong language upon learning that forces of the Islamic Republic of Iran had captured a British-flagged tanker vessel in the Straits of Hormuz Friday, calling the move “quite rude” and “jolly well unacceptable.”

Her Majesty’s subjects vented their spleens at the regime in Tehran that retaliated for the seizure off Gibraltar last week of an Iranian vessel violating European Union sanctions on shipments of fuel to the genocidal regime of Basher Assad in Syria. The Britons went as far as to characterize the mullahs’ act as “less than friendly,” though falling short of the vehemence that normally characterizes statements about Israel building homes for Jews in the ancestral Jewish heartland, which earns a scathing “problematic.”

“Troubling, troubling, a mite troubling,” muttered a visibly furious man as he sipped his mid-morning tea. “I say, something will have to be done about this.”

“I daresay this was uncalled for,” agreed another. “I might even go to the extent of calling this unpleasant.”

Londoners drew rare comparisons to dark chapters in history. “Not entirely a satisfactory situation,” remarked an umbrella-toting woman out for a stroll with her terrier. “One is put in mind of inclement weather, if I may make such a bold statement. Dear me, this calls for an uncompromising response. No more crumpets at tea for the ambassador, at the very least. And a stern rebuke. Yes. Good heavens.”

“I haven’t been this put out in some time,” allowed a frustrated barrister. “I may well write to The Times about this. I have some sharp words in mind, perhaps even ‘blast’ or ‘undesirable.’ I do believe an extra cup of tea will be in the offing this afternoon. Less than ideal, indeed, less than ideal.”

“Nearly blinked when I first read of it,” recalled a man at the Piccadilly Circus tube station. “My wife’s in hospital, and I’d thought we could nip out for a bit at the weekend, perhaps take a drive on the motorway, but the news out of the Gulf makes such an ostentatious display excessive, considering the mood. It wouldn’t do at such a time. Oh, bother.”

“Dreadful, just dreadful,” concurred his seatmate. “Our elected officials will certainly have what to say on the matter, I’d wager. Perhaps some cogent remarks via diplomatic cable – I do believe the seriousness of this incident warrants such drastic measures.”

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