Calls For Cain’s Resignation After Reports He Slept With His Sister

“No one who conducts himself that way can continue to serve as firstborn.”

Eden, December 15 – Scandal erupted today in Adam and Eve’s family after their eldest son was accused of seducing his sister, and calls emerged for Cain to step down from his position as firstborn.

Rumors began circulating last week that Cain had intimate relations with his sister, who went unnamed in the reports. The first of the second-generation humans on Earth at first dismissed or ignored the accusations, but admitted this morning that the reports were true, and that he and his sister had been conducting an affair for some time. Prominent figures in Eden called on him to resign in light of the emerging scandal, or at least to recuse himself from official duties until after a thorough investigation takes place.

Cain’s brother Abel is among his most vociferous critics. “It’s more than scandalous – it’s an absolute outrage,” declared the second son of Adam and Eve. “Incest is supposed to be a taboo, but now Cain himself admits he and our sister wantonly engaged in such behavior, which is not merely unbecoming of a future leader of the family, it’s downright obscene. No one who conducts himself that way can continue to serve as firstborn. Cain must step down at once.”

Not everyone is convinced that a full resignation is necessary. “Let’s just wait and see what happens,” urged Eve. “There is no need to rush to judgment, and there might be extenuating circumstances, such as there being no other female humans in existence. We must keep our heads about us. Even if the charges are true, that doesn’t mean Cain has to stop being the firstborn. Where is it written that one thing depends on the other?”

Adam has yet to weigh in on the affair, having imposed a temporary separation on himself and Eve, and is therefore less involved in family matters. Cain, however, appears unrepentant. “I’ll do it again,” he announced. “We’re consenting adults. I’m not going to apologize for behavior I don’t intend to change. That would be hypocritical.”

“Now everybody just leave me alone and let me go about the business of establishing human civilization. Really, don’t we have more important issues to discuss? This is just a distraction from the real issues, such as supporting agricultural development and making the land useful. Unlike some people who have no concept of investing in land and taking care of it, I want to focus on our future. I swear, if anybody keeps harassing me about this, I’m going to kill him.”

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