Candy To Celebrate Palestinian Deaths Inexplicably Selling Badly

He assumed, based on media coverage of right-wing Jews, that the latter would respond with open pocketbooks.

Jerusalem, June 11 – An entrepreneur who hoped to be the first to open an untapped market in Israel admitted error in gauging the size of that market, and that there appeared to be no demand for candy specifically sold for distribution to celebrate the deaths of Palestinians.

Simcha Le’aid, a Tel Aviv businessman, thought he had an original angle on the thin-margin retail candy market, especially in Jerusalem, where ethnic tensions run high. He opened an online business, preordered two tonnes of candy and festive packaging, and placed ads in media catering to Jewish audiences, but as of yesterday, not a single order had been placed since the enterprise began operations in January.

Le’aid had seen Palestinian celebrations of Jewish or Israeli calamity on multiple occasions, most notably last summer when Hamas operatives kidnapped and murdered three Israeli teens. He assumed, based on media coverage of right-wing Jews, that the latter would respond with open pocketbooks to an initiative offering them an analogous outlet for celebration of Palestinian misfortune.

Specifically, Le’aid thought of the abduction and murder by immolation of a Palestinian teen in apparent retaliation for the deaths of the three Jewish teens, which was portrayed in several media publications as exposing the true nature of the right-wing, religious Jewish demographic. “It was a no-brainer,” recalls Le’aid. “People who dehumanize the enemy are more likely to be favorably disposed to celebrating that enemy’s downfall. It was a sure thing.”

Inexplicably, however, Le’aid was unable to sell a single package. “Initially I thought there was something wrong with the online system, because the niche for this product is just begging to be exploited,” he said. “So I actually went to various places around the country and placed dummy orders, which arrived just fine.” He then realized it must be a marketing problem.

“I’d forgotten that many of these ultra-orthodox people don’t use the internet, so they might not be able to navigate the order system,” he explained. “That’s what made me realize I had to put ads in Haredi papers and the like, and set up a system to handle orders by telephone.” Le’aid made the necessary changes within a week of that epiphany in February, and hired a staff of three to take orders and answer inquiries. Nevertheless, not a single order was placed, while several calls did come in asking whether the offer was someone’s idea of a sick joke. He dismissed those occurrences as crank calls, since the idea made such obvious business sense.

In March Le’aid was forced to dismiss one of the two remaining phone receptionists; one had quit out of sheer boredom within two weeks of hiring, and her former boss says he does not blame her. “It’s not her fault the radical religious settlers and their supporters aren’t cooperating,” he conceded. Two weeks ago the sole receptionist, who declined to be interviewed, gave two weeks’ notice, and Le’aid says he cannot afford to hire and train a replacement.

“The venture capital is gone, and there’s been no return on it at all,” he said. “I still don’t understand. The market is there. It has to be.”

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