The army will thus expand eligibility for “combat” status, which commands greater prestige and higher pay. Shlomi, September 4 – A new Israeli military tactic in the long-running conflict with the Shiite militia Hezbollah has created combat opportunities for soldiers ...
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Feed SubscriptionSafety Precautions Force Nasrallah To Conduct Conjugal Visits Via Skype
A Hezbollah spokesman disclosed this development as part of an information campaign by the organization to project a more realistic image than before, including footage of facilities destroyed in Israeli strikes. Beirut, August 26 – The chief of Iran’s main ...
Read More »Palestinians In Israeli Prison Riot After Pizza Toppings Restricted
“It is bad enough that the Zionists restrict our God-given right to kill them – now they deprive us of essential items for living.” Ofer Prison, August 15 – Inmates serving time for terrorism and terrorism-related offenses barricaded themselves in ...
Read More »IDF To Solve Gaza Sewage Crisis By Turning Hamas Tunnels Into Cesspools
The spokesmen declined to specify whether the tunnels will be cleared of Hamas personnel beforehand. Gaza City, August 6 – A protracted ecological and health hazard may soon find resolution, Israeli military sources disclosed today, a resolution that involves redirecting ...
Read More »NGOs Attend Wrong Rally, End Up Protesting Demolition Of Security Barrier
“We’re not taking money from foreign governments so we can uphold the human rights of Jews, I’ll tell you that.” Jerusalem, July 25 – A mix-up in communication this morning resulted in several groups issuing loud demands that contradict every ...
Read More »Audit: IDF Has No One Qualified In Weaponizing Accusations Of Antisemitism
It’s all the more mystifying considering the successful deployment of ‘Islamophobia’ in an analogous capacity. Tel Aviv, July 17 – Ministry of Defense officials expressed shock today following the publication of a report that not a single Israeli soldier has ...
Read More »Hamas Calls Off Spontaneous Border Protest Scheduled For Next Friday
The next spontaneous protest will happen three Fridays from now. Gaza City, July 8 – Authorities in this Mediterranean coastal territory announced today (Monday) that the unplanned demonstration planned for the coming weekendat the barrier separating the territory from Israel, under ...
Read More »Multiple Pizza Deliveries To Shifa Hospital Subbasement Bunker For ‘Not Yahya Sinwar’
“Some folks will insist on misinterpreting it and we’ll end up with an Israeli airstrike taking out one of our best customers.” Gaza City, June 25 – A restaurant two streets over from the largest medical facility in the Gaza ...
Read More »UN Invites Jussie Smollett To Head Israel War Crimes Panel
“In keeping with the finest traditions of UN inquiries such as those conducted under Messrs. Goldstone, Falk, and others.” Geneva, June 13 – An international body that aims to look into allegations of violations of the Laws of Armed Conflict ...
Read More »Assad Just Killing Off Civilians So None Get Hurt When He Attacks Rebels
“The international news media, controlled by our enemies, will continue to portray our noble efforts as barbaric.” Idlib, June 4 – Syrian forces have targeted noncombatants in the country’s eight-year-old civil war to endure that when strikes take place against ...
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