“We will now be recruiting for trips to counter the poison that Birthright dispenses: trips during which, instead of simply yelling at Zionists for not caring about Palestinians, our participants kill Birthright participants.” New York, April 9 – Two American ...
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Feed SubscriptionHamas Accidentally Vows Genocide Again
Hamas sympathizers, meanwhile, insisted that the movement does not target civilians with its genocidal rhetoric. Gaza City, March 27 – For the third time this week, the Islamist terrorist group that runs this coastal territory sought to assure the international ...
Read More »Allies Unsure Whether To Classify Sheep Seized From ISIS As Looted Property Or Freed Sex Slaves
The specifications of the law are unclear. Raqqa, Syria, March 20 – The coalition of nations and armed groups working to eliminate the last stronghold of the Islamic State in the Middle East face a dilemma in determining whether to treat ...
Read More »Factory Adds ‘Not To Be Used To Carry Explosives’ Stamp To Balloons Exported To Gaza
“That’s got to be one imbecile of an end user. Are they American?” Guangzhou, March 11 – Staff at a manufacturer of synthetic rubber festive accessories in this Chinese port city voiced frustration with the Palestinian militant movement Hamas today ...
Read More »IDF Stunned To Discover Producing Generals-Turned-Politicians Not Core Mission
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” retorted Gantz, who heads the party with the best chance of unseating Netanyahu this April 9. Tel Aviv, February 28 – Israeli military officials expressed shock and confusion today upon realizing their organization’s main ...
Read More »Hamas Switches To Peaceful Bombs For Peaceful Killing Of Jews
“The moral victories are important,” a spokesman stressed. Beit Hanoun, Gaza Strip, February 19 – Border units attacking Israel along the fence at the edge of this coastal territory have begun transitioning to the use of more peaceful deadly violence, ...
Read More »IDF Causing Palestinian Heart Attacks As Pretext To Give Care, Boost Image
The medical care could not be altruistic, since “this is Israel we’re talking about.” Gush Etzion Crossing, February 6 – Israeli soldiers instigate cardiac arrest in vulnerable Palestinians for purposes of treating them and looking good as a result, human rights ...
Read More »IDF Condemned For Shells With ‘Learn To Code’ Inside
“‘Learn to code’ can only serve to destroy Palestinian self-esteem, similar to the anticipated effect it will have on ex-Buzzfeed personnel.” Tel Aviv, January 31 – Human rights organizations slammed Israel’s military this week upon learning that the IDF has printed on ...
Read More »IDF Claims Royalties From Hamas On Clips Doctored To Show Killing Of Palestinians
“Firing rockets and incendiary devices into our communities is bad enough, but appropriating the recordings of our soldiers and editing the footage to make it look like the soldiers did something they didn’t – well, we’re not going to tolerate ...
Read More »Arab Officers Meeting With Israeli Counterparts Vehemently Deny Contacts With IDF
Regular, routine meetings of this nature will occur until the threat of such malicious reports is stamped out. Tel Aviv, January 9 – Senior officers from Iraq, Egypt. Jordan, Bahrain, the United Arab Emirates, and Saudi Arabia who gathered for ...
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