“What am I supposed to do, send our fighters out to confront enemy soldiers while not violating six or seven laws of armed conflict?” Gaza City, March 28 – Tension gripped the Izzedin al-Qassam Brigades this week in advance of ...
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Feed SubscriptionIsrael Discloses It Destroyed Syrian Stockpile Of Nickelback Songs
Nickelback was stored in multiple places around Syria, and a coordinated effort of intelligence, air power, and other assets was necessary to ensure near-simultaneous destruction. Tel Aviv, March 22 – Officials at the Ministry of Defense revealed today that it ...
Read More »Hamas Tired Of Having To Pay Facebook To Give Rockets More Reach
Organization spokesman Mahmoud al-Zahar suggested the company founder’s Jewish heritage lies behind the “unfair” practice. Khan Yunis, March 15 – Fighters in missile-launching units of the militant Islamist group that governs the Gaza Strip expressed bitterness today at the need ...
Read More »Mossad Replaces Shipment Of Iran Missile Components With Anal Lube
“It’s certainly poetic, and Mossad have style, so that’s a tight fit,” conceded Pia Tabaat, an analyst at Jane’s. Tehran, March 7 – Officials in Iran’s ballistic missile program discovered today that a vessel carrying illegal cargo intended for the Islamic Republic’s ...
Read More »Palestinians Just One Hijacked Student Gov’t Meeting Away From Total Victory Over Zionism
Forecasts differ on the mechanism. Ramallah, February 27 – Excitement gripped the Palestinian street today after revelations that their national movement to destroy Israel and replace it with another Muslim state stands on the cusp of ultimate triumph, with only ...
Read More »Hamas Fart Becomes ‘Israel Uses Poison Gas On Gaza Tunnels’ In Media Reports
“That’s the industry standard.” Rafah, February 26 – News outlets conveying developments in this coastal Palestinian territory transformed an incident in which an Islamic militant training in an underground passageway emitted a burst of malodorous flatulence into allegations that the ...
Read More »Palestinians Threaten Protests Over Having Protests Ignored
“It’s as if our efforts to kill, maim, abuse, and dispossess Jews don’t even exist, leaving only the option of trying to kill, maim, abuse, and dispossess Jews until people notice again.” Ramallah, February 20 – Cumulative frustration at seeing ...
Read More »Bracing For Conflict With Israel, Syria Puts Rubble On War Footing
“There’s basically almost nothing left for Israel to destroy, since we’ve done such a good job by ourselves already.” Damascus, February 14 – Embattled President Basher Assad today ordered the crumbling remains of his military and economy to prepare for ...
Read More »Abbas Calls For Non-Violent Stabbing, Shooting, And Vehicular Homicides
Commentators differ on whether Abbas’s plea for nonviolent Palestinian violence will resonate with the people. Ramallah, February 8 – The president of the Palestinian Authority appeared to accusations today that he and his administration incite violence against Israelis, issuing a ...
Read More »Palestinians Declare Day Of Rage, But Date Already Taken By Previous Day Of Rage
“There’s a quota,” noted Nabil Shaath. “We’re supposed to have a certain minimum number of Days of Rage in every reporting period.” Ramallah, February 1 – Officials in the Palestinian Authority confessed embarrassment today upon realizing that after they had ...
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