Lieberman pronounced in mid-April 2016 that were he minister of defense, the chief of Hamas in Gaza, Ismail Haniyeh, would be eliminated within forty-eight hours. Gaza City, April 23 – Leaders of the various militant factions opposed to Israel’s existence ...
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Feed SubscriptionIDF Summons Stay Puft Marshamallow Man To Stamp Out Gaza Riots
Witnesses recalled seeing the monster stomp toward the crowds of Palestinian protesters attempting to reach the border fence and breach it, scattering them. Kibbutz Nahal Oz, April 17 – Wary of permitting the “Great Return March” to continue attracting international ...
Read More »Outrage As Video Shows IDF Following Rules, Holding Fire Near Children
“IDF behavior must conform to the brutality standards the NGO community imputes to it, and not adhere to its own ethical code.” Tel Aviv, April 11 – Anger surfaced this week following a short clip of an Israeli military sniper aiming ...
Read More »Logistical Problems: Only Some Hamas Units Equipped With Human Shields
“What am I supposed to do, send our fighters out to confront enemy soldiers while not violating six or seven laws of armed conflict?” Gaza City, March 28 – Tension gripped the Izzedin al-Qassam Brigades this week in advance of ...
Read More »Israel Discloses It Destroyed Syrian Stockpile Of Nickelback Songs
Nickelback was stored in multiple places around Syria, and a coordinated effort of intelligence, air power, and other assets was necessary to ensure near-simultaneous destruction. Tel Aviv, March 22 – Officials at the Ministry of Defense revealed today that it ...
Read More »Hamas Tired Of Having To Pay Facebook To Give Rockets More Reach
Organization spokesman Mahmoud al-Zahar suggested the company founder’s Jewish heritage lies behind the “unfair” practice. Khan Yunis, March 15 – Fighters in missile-launching units of the militant Islamist group that governs the Gaza Strip expressed bitterness today at the need ...
Read More »Mossad Replaces Shipment Of Iran Missile Components With Anal Lube
“It’s certainly poetic, and Mossad have style, so that’s a tight fit,” conceded Pia Tabaat, an analyst at Jane’s. Tehran, March 7 – Officials in Iran’s ballistic missile program discovered today that a vessel carrying illegal cargo intended for the Islamic Republic’s ...
Read More »Palestinians Just One Hijacked Student Gov’t Meeting Away From Total Victory Over Zionism
Forecasts differ on the mechanism. Ramallah, February 27 – Excitement gripped the Palestinian street today after revelations that their national movement to destroy Israel and replace it with another Muslim state stands on the cusp of ultimate triumph, with only ...
Read More »Hamas Fart Becomes ‘Israel Uses Poison Gas On Gaza Tunnels’ In Media Reports
“That’s the industry standard.” Rafah, February 26 – News outlets conveying developments in this coastal Palestinian territory transformed an incident in which an Islamic militant training in an underground passageway emitted a burst of malodorous flatulence into allegations that the ...
Read More »Palestinians Threaten Protests Over Having Protests Ignored
“It’s as if our efforts to kill, maim, abuse, and dispossess Jews don’t even exist, leaving only the option of trying to kill, maim, abuse, and dispossess Jews until people notice again.” Ramallah, February 20 – Cumulative frustration at seeing ...
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