“There never was a Temp – no, wait, we can’t use that claim yet,” hesitated Saeb Erekat. Ramallah, January 22 – Palestinian leaders warned that if the king of Israel moves forward with his plan to establish Jerusalem as the ...
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Feed SubscriptionRock Thrown By Arab Magically Transforms Into Sponge-Tipped Police Bullet
“If mid-air transmogrification technology has reached the hands of hostile elements, we face a serious challenge.” Umm al-Hiran, January 18 – Israeli defense officials expressed concern today that terrorist groups may have developed technology to change projectiles in mid-flight, after ...
Read More »Military Court Convicts David Of Murder For Killing Disarmed, Wounded Goliath
Advocates for David called the move excessive, and criticized Israelite media for making the family of the slain Goliath into the victims of the incident. Elah Valley, January 12 – A panel of military judges voted to convict Israelite military ...
Read More »Palestinians Argue Whether Schedule Calls For Denouncing Or Embracing ISIS
“We’re not offering a coherent line here.” Ramallah, January 9 – A day after a Palestinian terrorist attack that killed four Israelis, Palestinian leaders have found themselves amidst vehement disagreement over today’s tactic: should they be embracing and lauding the ...
Read More »Btselem, Breaking The Silence Puzzled By Need For Trial Of Accused Soldiers
“We could have told you the moment the story happened that the guy is guilty – he’s an Israeli soldier.” Tel Aviv, January 4 – The manslaughter conviction today of an IDF sergeant in the unlawful shooting death of a ...
Read More »Titus Cites UNSCR 2334 In Demanding Besieged Jerusalem Surrender
The Council automatically rendered the entire Jewish stronghold currently under siege an illegal entity that must be dismantled. Jerusalem, December 28 – The Roman general commanding the forces surrounding the Jewish capital sent messengers today to the leaders of the ...
Read More »UN To Wait On Setting Jerusalem Status Quo Till After Babylonian Conquest
“It goes against the established and consistent policy of the Venezuelan government going back to Hugo Chavez.” New York, December 26 – Diplomats at the United Nations reported today that the Security Council will hold off on a resolution fixing ...
Read More »Palestinian Security Confiscates Gold, Myrrh From Wise Men Visiting Bethlehem
Corruption and abuse of power have plagued the various organs of Palestinian internal security since their inception in 1993. Bethlehem, Judea, December 22 – A group of dignitaries from the East reported today that on their way to pay homage ...
Read More »Abbas Rails Against Jacob’s Sons For ‘Defiling’ Palestinian Pit With Joseph
The Morabitoun, as they will be known, with their female counterparts the Morabitat, will attempt to obstruct Jacob and his offspring from performing Talmudic rituals that threaten or undermine Palestine’s sanctity. Ramallah, December 18 – Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas had ...
Read More »PETA Denounces Aaron, Moses For Cruelty To Serpents
Hebrew officials dismissed the PETA allegations. Memphis, December 13 – A leading organization advocating for better treatment of animals has criticized the Hebrew leadership for abuse of snakes, citing a confrontation with Pharaoh’s sorcerers in which the creatures were transformed ...
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