“We’re not offering a coherent line here.” Ramallah, January 9 – A day after a Palestinian terrorist attack that killed four Israelis, Palestinian leaders have found themselves amidst vehement disagreement over today’s tactic: should they be embracing and lauding the ...
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Feed SubscriptionBtselem, Breaking The Silence Puzzled By Need For Trial Of Accused Soldiers
“We could have told you the moment the story happened that the guy is guilty – he’s an Israeli soldier.” Tel Aviv, January 4 – The manslaughter conviction today of an IDF sergeant in the unlawful shooting death of a ...
Read More »Titus Cites UNSCR 2334 In Demanding Besieged Jerusalem Surrender
The Council automatically rendered the entire Jewish stronghold currently under siege an illegal entity that must be dismantled. Jerusalem, December 28 – The Roman general commanding the forces surrounding the Jewish capital sent messengers today to the leaders of the ...
Read More »UN To Wait On Setting Jerusalem Status Quo Till After Babylonian Conquest
“It goes against the established and consistent policy of the Venezuelan government going back to Hugo Chavez.” New York, December 26 – Diplomats at the United Nations reported today that the Security Council will hold off on a resolution fixing ...
Read More »Palestinian Security Confiscates Gold, Myrrh From Wise Men Visiting Bethlehem
Corruption and abuse of power have plagued the various organs of Palestinian internal security since their inception in 1993. Bethlehem, Judea, December 22 – A group of dignitaries from the East reported today that on their way to pay homage ...
Read More »Abbas Rails Against Jacob’s Sons For ‘Defiling’ Palestinian Pit With Joseph
The Morabitoun, as they will be known, with their female counterparts the Morabitat, will attempt to obstruct Jacob and his offspring from performing Talmudic rituals that threaten or undermine Palestine’s sanctity. Ramallah, December 18 – Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas had ...
Read More »PETA Denounces Aaron, Moses For Cruelty To Serpents
Hebrew officials dismissed the PETA allegations. Memphis, December 13 – A leading organization advocating for better treatment of animals has criticized the Hebrew leadership for abuse of snakes, citing a confrontation with Pharaoh’s sorcerers in which the creatures were transformed ...
Read More »IDF To Clear Moral High Ground Of Leftists Claiming It Under False Pretenses
“We’re preparing for anything,” intoned a grim Lt. General Gadi Eizenkot, the IDF Chief of Staff. Tel Aviv, December 8 – As IDF units undergo training to prepare for an anticipated forced evacuation of the Amona settlement outpost, a separate ...
Read More »Soon-To-Be-Drafted North Tel Aviv High Schoolers Ask Whether IDF Provides ‘Safe Space’ For Progressives
“The army has to understand that feelings are the most important thing.” Ramat Aviv, December 4 – A group of twelfth-graders in an upscale section of Israel’s hippest metropolis spent time this afternoon discussing their upcoming military service, and inquired ...
Read More »Kosher Meals Unavailable On Board F-35
“It’s all part of a general cost-cutting trend in aviation that’s been going on for years already.” Tel Nof Air Base, November 29 – The most expensive and advanced fighter aircraft in the world is still unable to provide accommodation ...
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