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IDF Considering Drone Strikes On Vegans

IDF Considering Drone Strikes On Vegans

Tel Aviv, April 21 – Faced with unprecedented levels of smugness that interferes with operations, the Israel Defense Forces have developed plans to remotely eliminate vegans, the source of 95% of that smugness. A recent threat analysis commissioned by the ...

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UNIFIL To Recruit Pro Wrestling Referees

UNIFIL To Recruit Pro Wrestling Referees

Geneva, April 14 – The United Nations International Force In Lebanon, whose mandate calls for monitoring the Israel-Lebanon border, has announced that it will begin to target specific populations to recruit, groups that have demonstrated the same level of impartial ...

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Buy One Weapons System, Get the Second for Half Price!

Buy One Weapons System, Get the Second for Half Price!

WARNING: This device must only be used against civilians. The manufacturer shall not be liable for damage or injury incurred as a result of use against bona fide military targets. Thank you for purchasing your Katyusha™ Brand disposable rocket. We ...

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Rockets Evidently Desperate To Escape Gaza Strip

Rockets Evidently Desperate To Escape Gaza Strip

Eshkol Regional Council, Israel, March 13 – The dozens of rockets launched from the Gaza Strip since yesterday have told PreOccupiedTerritory that they are trying to escape the clutches of Gaza militants. More than 60 rockets have attempted to escape ...

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Car Bomber Thwarted By Manual Transmission

Car Bomber Thwarted By Manual Transmission

Jenin, March 9 – A Palestinian man was killed this morning while attempting to attack Israelis with a car bomb, but was unable to drive the vehicle to his selected location. The vehicle he had been provided was a stick-shift ...

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