“I’m considering one of the less-prominent groups to major in – big fish, small pong, you know the deal.” Ramallah, February 2 – A sophomore at Bir Zeit University closing in on the deadline to select a focus for his ...
Read More »Category Archives: Defense
Feed SubscriptionScientists Isolate Shortest Interval: Time From Any Palestinian Death To Accusations Of Israeli War Crimes
“We propose to name the Rothosecond, in honor of [former Human Rights Watch director] Kenneth Roth, who manifests the phenomenon with remarkable consistency.” Geneva, January 25 – Researchers at the European Organization for Nuclear Research announced today the results of ...
Read More »Palestinian Tax Hike: Each Family Must Sacrifice 20% Of Children As Martyrs
“…even if some children are already over the age of eighteen. In our rhetoric we will still call such adult children ‘children’ if they are martyred.” Ramallah, January 16 – The cash-strapped Palestinian Authority, reeling from a sharp drop in international donations ...
Read More »Jordanian Trainees Learn Military Importance Of Defacing Jewish Cemeteries
“It’s a lot more relatable than Napoleon or Bagration.” Amman, January 5 – Aspiring officers in the army of the Hashemite Kingdom began a new unit of their regimen this week, in which they will examine the tactical and operational ...
Read More »Palestinians Cry Foul Over History’s Most Persecuted Minority Brazenly Defending Itself
Jewish refusal to accept Palestinian Muslim attacks with appropriate resignation is a blasphemous undermining of the proper order of things. Ramallah, December 27 – Opponents of Jewish control over Jewish security continued today to assail the world’s only Jewish state ...
Read More »Suicidal Palestinians Given Bomb Vests
“A plentiful supply of depressed people under our aegis.” Nablus, December 15 – Public health authorities in both the Gaza Strip and the self-rule areas of the West Bank have launched a streamlined process to address a troubling increase in the ...
Read More »After Druze Debacle, Palestinians To Stick To Kidnapping Americans
“We have to focus on targeting people whose governments and communities will act with predictable weakness they label ‘restraint’ or some other nonsense.” Nablus, December 7 – Unwanted tensions with a different Arab demographic following the abduction and murder of ...
Read More »Racist Apartheid Regime Racistly Being Not Racist
A bunch of racists who decide how to treat people based on citizenship rather than race. Jerusalem, November 28 – Observers noted again today that Israel’s discrimination against Arabs extends, in its depravity, to granting Arab citizens of Israel privileges ...
Read More »Jewish Refusal To Just Die Called ‘Failing To Learn Lessons Of Holocaust’
“Jews must be very, very wary of defending themselves if that might impinge on the freedom of those doing the attacking.” Tel Aviv, November 17 – More than seventy years’ worth of Jews defending themselves against Arab violence, and acting ...
Read More »In Case Of Hezbollah Attack, Biden Admin Promises Israel Harsh Victim-Blaming
Biden will rush to explain that Israel probably deserves it. Tel Aviv, November 8 – The White House sought today to reinforce its support for a maritime boundary and resource-sharing agreement between the the Jewish State and its northern neighbor ...
Read More »