PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

“If we do not ask the omniscient deity to help us, how can He know what we want?” Jerusalem, May 7 – Islamic officials at the council that administers holy sites on the Temple Mount accused the Jewish State today ...

by King Mufasa Serengeti – Simba, look out over the pridelands. All the way to the horizon in all directions. Everything the sunlight touches, we hold sway. Except for that shadowy place, the badlands where the hyenas roam. And except ...

A neighbor declined to be identified by name, citing concerns of associated shame in the deeply conservative society of secular Israelis. Jerusalem, April 23 – Neighbors, relatives, and friends of a local resident expressed shock this morning upon discovering that he had ...

“We need an inquiry into whose job it was to inform the coronavirus only to attack infidels.” Gaza City, April 2 – A pathogen responsible for tens of thousands of deaths worldwide and hundreds of thousands more with life-threatening respiratory ...

by Issa Amro, Palestinian activist Hebron, March 26 – Philosophers and thinkers have long grappled with the nature of a given act: its context, its purpose, and of course its effects, to determine whether that act complies with or violates ...

“Give me some time with the leaders of the parties to the conflict and I’ll get them to see the correct decision, if they know what’s good for them.” Giv’at Shmuel, March 19 – Heads of a family who have so ...

A pilgrimage festival under current circumstances will prove an epidemiological nightmare. Jerusalem, March 12 – Ministering angels disclosed today that the Almighty has begun consultation with His advisory board regarding the possibility of delaying this year’s observance of the Feast of ...

by Saeb Erekat, Chief Palestinian Negotiator Ramallah, March 5 – We Palestinians have grown tired of the contention that we demand a state with no Jews in it. Not only does it distract from the core issue of our statelessness ...

“I only woke up like four times, not including my usual 3 AM bathroom run.” Ramat Gan, February 27 – A resident who shared his numerous ideas with his wife about getting a jump on preparations for a Jewish festival ...

“Alternatively, making the tower itself a mosque will solve the comparative height problem.” Babylon, Land of Shin’ar, February 20 – Islamic authorities cautioned today against the completion of a planned project to construct a tower that reaches the heavens, reminding ...