PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

By Alhaf Suwij, East Jerusalem resident Ras-a-Amud, Jerusalem, October 31 – Maintaining one’s ideological principles is important. Me, I adhere to my people’s official position that participating in the holy city’s municipal elections normalizes occupation, and therefore all Palestinians must ...

“I thought I’d be more conspicuous,” she admitted. Jerusalem, October 24 – An American anti-Israel activist whose expulsion from the country was overturned by the High Court began her studies today at the Hebrew University, where her radical politics and ...

“You just wait and see. 338th time’s the charm.” Jerusalem, October 17 – Israeli parliamentary work resumed Sunday following a holiday recess, with the legislative minority predicting that the next corruption charge against the prime minister will bring him down, ...

“The Holy Father’s chief concern has always been the good name of the Church, and this move, in his divinely-inspired assessment, will go furthest in ensuring that the scandal dies down.” Rome, October 11 – The leader of the Roman ...

A campaign being run by a piece of actual, physiological crap is shaping up to be the cleanest Israel has ever seen. Jerusalem, October 4 – A cohesion of canine fecal matter sat so long on the pavement of Israel’s ...

“We fear for Israeli democracy,” stated Lapid, who personally selected the eleven MKs now serving in the Knesset for Yesh Atid. Tel Aviv, August 1 – A kingmaking faction in the Knesset whose parliamentary representation gets selected by it’s chairman’s fiat warned ...

By Hamas If you love something, set it on fire. Beloved Land, we would give our lives for you. And we do, all the time. The depth of our attachment to you runs so deep, so strong, that we will ...

He proceeded to list numerous occasions on which human understanding of the divine will shifted, indicating a pathetic grasp of what the divine attribute of eternity means. Heaven, July 18 – Supernal sources reported today that the almighty creator of ...

Ignoring Jewish suffering is actually an essential part of ‘the American Way,’ as demonstrated by immigration policy at the time. Metropolis, July 11 – The world’s greatest superhero granted an exclusive interview yesterday to PreOccupied Territory, in which he detailed ...

“Unless those quotas are met, parents will be confronted with the prospect of having usable space in their homes, and that would be a disaster.” Jerusalem, July 4 –  A nursery school educator in the Nahalat Ahim neighborhood of the ...