“Abraham Accords, my foot,” he spat, using a dismissive Hebrew idiom that literally translates as “it interests my grandmother.” Ofakim, April 20 – A high schooler disparaged the unprecedented recent détente between Israel and several longtime Arab enemies by noting ...
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Feed SubscriptionLast Haredi Without Smartphone Actually Just Non-Haredi Living On Budget
The same family also owns no television, but not because of philosophical objection to mass media content. Jerusalem, April 6 – Israel’s market for the previous generation of cellular devices now mainly features clientele who for religious and community-standards reasons ...
Read More »‘Must Get Rid Of Chametz Before Pesach’ Pretext Invoked To Justify Drinking
“You can’t be too careful in the service of God,” the drinkers explain, intoxicated by, among other things, their pursuit of righteousness. Jerusalem, March 30 – The approaching Jewish festival of Passover, during which the Torah bars the possession, let ...
Read More »Man Unsure What He Agreed To While Half-Listening To Wife
“I suppose I could try to elicit clues in a roundabout way.” Jerusalem, March 21 – Confusion and apprehension seized a local husband today following his realization that he could not remember the exchange in which he and his spouse ...
Read More »Grounded Israeli Teen: I Was Home – GPS Showed Me At Friend’s Because Of Russian Jamming
The Ukraine crisis, has made the situation tense enough that his parents are primed to believe anything about Russian capabilities and intentions. Kiryat Bialik, March 10 – A local adolescent expressed relief today that Putin’s forces have been disrupting geolocation service ...
Read More »Netanya Man Claims He Just ‘Found’ Russian Anti-Aircraft Vehicle He’s Driving Around
Witnesses observed Cherniak driving the vehicle to the grocery store and back, forced to take a roundabout route because of a traffic signal that hung too low to allow the vehicle passage with its missile rack elevated to operational height. ...
Read More »Arab Israeli Voting, Enjoying Freedoms Unaware He Victim Of Apartheid
The man gushed with the enthusiasm of someone manifestly unaware that he has been expelled, despoiled, genocided and ethnically cleansed, according to numerous international NGO reports. Fureidis, February 17 – A prominent resident of this predominantly-Arab town in northern Israel ...
Read More »Cold-Weather Streak Proves Your Side Of Climate Debate
Experts have noted parallels between the way you can use this weather for either side of the climate argument and the way rising crime militates either for or against increased policing. Mevasseret Tzion, February 9 – The lowest sustained temperatures ...
Read More »HRW Slams Israel For Removal Of Palestinians From Oncoming Traffic
“Nothing less than ethnic cleansing.” Gush Etzion Junction, January 31 – A leading human rights advocacy group denounced the Jewish State today following an incident in this disputed area south of Jerusalem where soldiers cleared a Palestinian family off the ...
Read More »Experienced Fan Camps Out 3 Days In Advance To Secure COVID Test
“I just hope I don’t get screwed over the way I did a few other times, and some scalper winds up with all the tests before I can get mine.” Jerusalem, January 20 – A local resident believes his dedication ...
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