“We certainly don’t want the people who pay our salaries to realize our work here is no longer as necessary!” Jerusalem, June 14 – Israel swore in its most diverse government in history today, including an unprecedented number of women, ...
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Feed SubscriptionParents Spent Awful Lot Of Money For Daughter To Still Have Nothing To Wear
“Did those new clothes disappear?” Jerusalem, June 6 – A local couple voiced puzzlement today at the fact that they have, over the last three months, parted with upwards of six hundred shekels to procure garments, footwear, and accessories for ...
Read More »Anti-Jewish Riots Over, Umm-El-Fahm Arabs Return To Killing One Another
Observers remarked on the speed with which the thugs made the pivot to, and then away from, targeting Jews en masse. Umm El-Fahm, May 26 – Thugs unable to take their aggression out on Jews in Israel following belated police ...
Read More »Police Assure Lod Jews Pogrom Anti-Zionist, Not Antisemitic
“All the unrest you have experienced this week is merely anti-Zionist, and you may therefore unburden yourselves of the anxiety over antisemitism.” Lod, May 13 – Law enforcement authorities in Israel sought to assuage the fears of Jewish residents in ...
Read More »Bank Pleased To Offer You More Ways To Owe Money
“Get up to forty percent off on items or services that our records indicate you have purchased exactly zero times in the five years you have banked with us!” Jerusalem, April 26 – The financial institution through which you conduct most of ...
Read More »Oddsmakers Give Leftover Passover Food 1, Maybe 2 More Weeks In Fridge Before Disposal
“Who wants three-week-old meat when fresh chametz is all the rage?” Jerusalem, April 15 – Actuaries and gambling analysts released their predictions for the next week, including an item that gives a better-than-three-to-one likelihood that an aluminum pan of brisket ...
Read More »Family Waiting Since Mid-Passover To Get Into Jerusalem Zoo Finally Reaches Front Of Line
“There are no bathrooms right outside the zoo, so let’s just say avoid that spot over there behind the trees.” Jerusalem, April 6 – A couple with four children who decided a visit to the city’s largest picturesque and eclectic ...
Read More »GenXers Who Called Their Parents’ Music ‘Oldies’ Suddenly Sensitive When Term Applied To ’80s, ’90s Hits
“Crap. I just remembered Eddie Van Halen is dead.” Jerusalem, March 24 – Middle-aged residents of this city and others in the Western world who grew up referring to songs popular when their own mothers and fathers were growing up as ...
Read More »Man Willing to Testify About Discriminatory Parking Enforcement In ICC Case Against Israel If That Helps
He brushed aside concerns that the Municipality of Jerusalem is not a party to the case, which focuses on actions by the Government of Israel. Jerusalem, March 15 – A resident of this country’s capital voiced his readiness to serve ...
Read More »COVID: ‘Green Pass’ Holders Allowed Entry Into Few Businesses That Remain
“We recommend visiting the site when fewer users are likely to be on, such as in four or five months.” Jerusalem, March 4 – The Ministry of Health launched a new initiative in the last several weeks, under which people carrying ...
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