The Maccabees’ principal foe was not, as many assume, the Seleucid Empire, but the assimilated, Hellenized Jews of the era. Tel Aviv, December 17 – A staunchly secular resident of this prosperous city on the Mediterranean voiced her relief today that the eight-day Jewish ...
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Feed SubscriptionChef Filling Sufganiyot With Mercury Suspects Exotic Bakery Competitiveness Going Too Far
“What’s next, lava? Little pockets of sulfuric acid?” Jerusalem, December 8 – A worker at one of Israel’s prominent bakery and confection chains voiced concern today, as he injected a doughnut with an expensive, dangerous substance, that perhaps there exists ...
Read More »Twitter Fails To Apply ‘Disputed’ Label To Mother-In-Law’s ‘World’s Best Brownies’ Claim
“I even offered to send Jack Dorsey samples to prove it, but nothing.” Bat-Yam, November 26 – Sources close to the father of a local family reported today that he has yet to receive an explanation from the social media ...
Read More »Jew Who ‘Stormed’ Al Aqsa Now ‘Thunders’ To Bathroom, ‘Tramples’ Way To Kitchen
The hellbound descendant of apes and pigs stampeded home a hybrid compact and proceeded to trample his way to the kitchen, where his insatiable rapacious Zionist maw devoured a helpless bowl of Kellogg’s corn flakes with milk. Jerusalem, November 18 ...
Read More »Flooded Israeli Coastal Towns Weirdly Not Blaming Open Dams
Not a single victim of the flooding mentioned malevolence on the part of the Israeli military or Netanyahu-led government. Yavne, November 9 – The first major rainfall of the season struck the plains west of Jerusalem last week, resulting in ...
Read More »BDS Claims Credit For Absence Of Concerts In Israel During COVID
Barghouti paused for several seconds, then continued. “What’s the opposite of impotence?” Tel Aviv, October 29 – Bloomfield Stadium in this teeming Israeli city hosts concerts in addition to its everyday function as an elite soccer venue, but the raging ...
Read More »Siblings Fighting, Yelling Helps Parents Recreate Authentic Classroom Ambience At Home
A key environmental element that many families cannot hope to replicate to a sufficient degree on their own. Jerusalem, October 20 – Distance learning has posed numerous logistical, financial, and parenting challenges for the vast majority of families, but one ...
Read More »COVID Polling Ahead Of Israel Police
Opinion of the police deteriorated from at or slightly better than opinion of COVID in April to demonstrably worse at present. Tel Aviv, October 8 – A deadly pandemic ravaging the globe garners a more favorable opinion among Israel’s public ...
Read More »Pneumatic Drill Nextdoor Unaware It Cause Of Lockdown Nervous Breakdown
Tightened restrictions imposed over the weekend exacerbated the domestic tensions, but the digging that began toward the end of August cemented their descent into the loony bin. Jerusalem, September 24 – A piece of heavy construction equipment demonstrated no awareness ...
Read More »Man Glad Post Office Appointment Shaved Two Minutes Off 90-Minute Wait
Customer space is limited to six visitors at once, and the office never has on duty more than two or three clerks to serve the hundreds of people who require their services. Jerusalem, September 14 – Reduced staff and limits ...
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