“Allowing Israelis to be subject to the vagaries of inclement weather leaves open the possibility of denying Israel controls the weather at all.” Ashkelon, June 29 – Residents of this southern coastal city and their compatriots around the country expressed ...
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Feed SubscriptionCOVID Limits Beitar Jerusalem Fans To Chanting Racist Slogans At Home
“You haven’t lived until you’ve celebrated a national championship by chanting, ‘ein Aravim, ein piggu’im.'” Jerusalem, June 17 – Staunch supporters of this capital city’s yellow-and-black-clad soccer team remain unable to bring their anti-Arab animus to games at Teddy Stadium, ...
Read More »Israelis 100% Protected From COVID Viruses Trying to Penetrate Chin
A handful of conscientious citizens even cover their mouths. Jerusalem, June 8 – Ministry of Health officials announced promising new figures today in the battle to contain coronavirus, figures that they contend show complete effectiveness of surgical and other masks ...
Read More »Man Pays For Strangers’ Groceries, Gets Arrested: ‘No Israeli Earns That Much Money Legally’
“If you’re not overdrawn on your checking account, there’s no way you’re not involved in something dirty.” Jerusalem, May 25 – A would-be philanthropist found himself in a holding cell at the Russian Compound headquarters of the Jerusalem District Police ...
Read More »6,922nd Reply To Twitter Post Thinks He Made Real Difference
“Having the real truth out there now is crucial, in this era of fake news and misinformation.” Nahariyya, May 14 – A resident of this sleepy city on the Mediterranean voiced satisfaction today after he submitted the latest of what ...
Read More »Shop Closed, Shuk Stall Owner Hasn’t Yelled At Customers In Weeks
“I need to be screaming insults at customers, especially tourists, at least twenty minutes a day.” Jerusalem, May 5 – The proprietor of a spice, nut, and seed establishment at this city’s main open-air market voiced his continued frustration today ...
Read More »Israeli Man Buys Brown Dog, Doesn’t Name It ‘Shoko’
A neighbor declined to be identified by name, citing concerns of associated shame in the deeply conservative society of secular Israelis. Jerusalem, April 23 – Neighbors, relatives, and friends of a local resident expressed shock this morning upon discovering that he had ...
Read More »Corona: Bar Mitzva Boy Totally Crushed By Being Unable To Humiliate Self In Front Of Friends
“Oh, boy, yeah, dodged a bullet there,” he declared in the presence of his disappointed parents, a little too loudly. “Just crushed.” Jerusalem, April 13 – A local teenager confessed he is oh, yeah, absolutely let down at the current ...
Read More »Goat Blood Unavailable, Man Paints Doorpost With Soy Sauce
He took the measures in response to the climbing figure of coronavirus patients in Israel. Jerusalem, March 31 – A local resident fearful of coronavirus decided not to wait until the eve of Passover to take certain traditional protective measures ...
Read More »Parents Keeping Warring Children At Bay In Lockdown Ready To Tackle Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
“Give me some time with the leaders of the parties to the conflict and I’ll get them to see the correct decision, if they know what’s good for them.” Giv’at Shmuel, March 19 – Heads of a family who have so ...
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