“Back when the Spies thwarted a quick entry into Canaan we thought we had hit a speed bump, but the timing of this fiasco could have even more inconvenient implications.” Plains of Moab, December 3 – Repeated praise of Canaan ...
Read More »Category Archives: Israel
Feed SubscriptionEnvironmentalist Joins Hobo’s ‘The End Is Nigh’ Procession
Sitting, marching, holding signs, and chanting at others about society’s imminent collapse. Tel Aviv, November 21 – An activist worried that human-driven climate change will doom civilization and disrupt the planet’s fragile ecosystems within twelve years has found a kindred ...
Read More »Gaza Rocket Destroyed Living Room But Left Butt-Ugly Curtains Untouched
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” muttered the dazed father. “Really? Really? The fugly curtains? Good grief.” Sderot, November 13 – A Palestinian Islamic Jihad missile that hit a house in this southern Israeli hamlet obliterated all the furniture and ...
Read More »Child Grounded Repeatedly For Same Offense Wonders Why Israel Can’t Just Ground Palestinians To Solve Conflict
“I know I would think twice if I had to face restrictive consequences when I did something wrong again and again. We should really do something like that.” Jerusalem, November 4 – A local gradeschooler who has lost privileges again ...
Read More »Man Explains Perpetual Tardiness As Rejection Of Culture That Produced Nazism
He arrived at his conscious ideological position after years of implementing it in practice. Jerusalem, October 24 – A resident with a propensity for lateness insisted today that his habitual tardiness represents a philosophical position that specifically differs from the ...
Read More »Area Man Able To Interpret Woman’s Every Gesture As Consent
“Oh, she so wants me,” one witness heard Mr. Pitzek remark for approximately the four hundredth time after passing the receptionist. Tel Aviv, September 26 – An employee at a local firm possesses the uncanny ability to understand each movement, ...
Read More »Groups Slam Sign-Language Interpreters As Offensive To The Blind
“Sign language rubs in the faces of the visually impaired that they count less because no one has taken the time to make them feel included.” Tel Aviv, September 17 – Advocates for the rights of the visually-impaired criticized today ...
Read More »Area Boomer Finally Learns To Program VCR
He proceeded to call his children to inform them of the milestone, and to bask in the anticipated admiration they would no doubt display. Maale Adummim, September 5 – A resident of this town in the Judean Desert east of Jerusalem ...
Read More »Authorities Unable To Enforce Government Monopoly On Stupidity
The government remains peerless in the production, management, and delivery of stupidity. Jerusalem, August 28 – Concern has increased in recent months regarding illegal engagement in blockhead policy-making and decisions, officials acknowledged today, following the publication of a report yesterday ...
Read More »Woman Who Can’t Afford To Buy Burial Plot Hoping To Rent
Official regulations guarantee every citizen a burial plot, but that right extends only to the bare provision of a place of interment; it does not guarantee any specific location, type of grave, or placement next to other deceased relatives. Jerusalem, August 19 ...
Read More »