“Oh, crap, she’s probably going to describe the spinners as ‘fleeky’ or something.” Carmiel, June 24 – A mother of three in this middle-class northern town will soon hit upon the idea that a gyroscope-like toy that peaked in popularity ...
Read More »Category Archives: Israel
Feed SubscriptionJersualem To Be Ready For 2019 Eurovision By 2028
“We’re confident we can have everything ready for next year in plenty of time for the one in ten years.” Jerusalem, June 19 – Municipal officials in Israel’s capital boasted today that preparations for next year’s prestigious international song contest ...
Read More »Gov’t Helping Iranians Save Water Because Israelis Won’t Bother
“Judging from the selfish, entitled way Israelis act on airplanes, on the roads, in restaurants, and while waiting for anything, we realized Israelis are positively the last group to respond to initiatives of this sort.” Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu, June 11 ...
Read More »Israel Soccer Association Worried May Never Be Corrupt Enough To Host World Cup
“It’s that nexus of sports and politics where the real greed, graft, extortion, and other dirt have to be well established for FIFA to even look your way, and unfortunately for us, we’re not at that level.” Ramat Gan, May ...
Read More »Settlement Construction Halted: Plans Only Reported By NGOs As New 43 Times
Without repeated mention of the same units as if they represent many different ones, the world will remain unable to characterize Israel’s settlement policy as “beholden to far-right settlement zealots.” Beit El, Binyamin Regional Council, May 23 – Housing starts ...
Read More »BDS Subcontracts Economy-Destroying Work To Histadrut Labor Union
“We’re the people you want to get this kind of job done,” boasted chief Avi Nissenkorn. “We’ve been doing this for decades, and no one’s better at it.” Ashdod Port, May 15 – Years of questionable success at crippling Israel’s ...
Read More »NGOs Accuse Israel Of Carwashing
“Sometimes this carwashing activity also features an application of polish, though that requires additional expense and time.” Tel Aviv, May 8 – Human rights and civil rights groups lambasted the Jewish state again this week, this time pointing to the ...
Read More »Police Assure Man Mysterious White Powder Belongs In Flour Package
Flour, to the untrained eye, looks like other white powders, some of which can be dangerous, even deadly. Rosh HaAyin, May 2 – Counterterrorism agents, chemical and biological warfare experts converged on a two-story home in this sleepy Tel Aviv ...
Read More »Man Craps On Museum Floor; Staff, Patrons Think It Part Of Exhibit
“Redolent of the social criticism of Sartre.” Tel Aviv, April 25 – A pile of fresh human excrement in the corner of a gallery room displaying modern sculpture and paintings has sat untouched for six hours, witnesses report, as both ...
Read More »Local Man Doesn’t Need Haaretz To Help Him See Worst In Everything Israel Does
“Only losers, if you’ll pardon my frankness, who can’t think for themselves must depend on the likes of Rogel Alpher for regular doses of self-loathing, pessimist weltschmerz, and can’t generate it on their own.” Tel Aviv, April 19 – The ...
Read More »