It would otherwise be followed by weirdness as they continue to walk toward each other but have nothing more to say. Rehovot, February 13 – Researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science have succeeded in quantifying the maximum distance at ...
Read More »Category Archives: Israel
Feed SubscriptionActivists Blast IDF For Shooting Down Iranian Drone Instead Of Granting Asylum
“This is a violation of the drone’s human rights,” declared Amnesty International. Tel Aviv, February 12 – Advocates of offering full residential rights to illegal migrants criticized the Israeli military today for shooting down an Iranian unmanned vehicle Saturday, arguing ...
Read More »Women Manufactured with Planned Obsolescence, Says Trade Group
It continued with a litany of other grievances, notable among them the apparent deafness of GOD to centuries of complaints. Holon, February 6 – A trade group representing buyers of female reproductive partners has accused the manufacturer of designing the ...
Read More »Jonah Forced To Buy Whole Damn Boat Because Jaffa Port Workers On Strike Again
“If you ask me, there’s something fishy going on there.” Jaffa, January 31 – A prophet trying to escape his mission had no choice but to purchase an entire vessel when a labor stoppage by union workers delayed the departure ...
Read More »New Book Tells All About Time-Traveling Bodyguard Of Baby Hitler
“No one ever stopped to consider other ways of preventing the Holocaust, such as preventing Hitler’s parents from meeting, or arranging his acceptance to art school.” Tel Aviv, January 24 – Publishing house Kinneret-Zmora-Bitan announced today it has secured the ...
Read More »Utility Happy To Return Money It Collected ‘In Error’ If You Waste More Time, Money On Asking
“We monitor our customer satisfaction metrics all the time to ensure we’re not letting anyone outside our circle of cronies experience any.” Jerusalem, January 18 – A company that charged your account far in excess of what you owed them ...
Read More »Used To Relieving Themselves Anywhere, Israelis Puzzled By Pay Toilets
“It takes a special sort of idiot, or a tourist, I suppose, to think it’s worth paying to urinate.” Jerusalem, January 11 – Confusion has reigned in Israel since the introduction of public toilet facilities that require payment for use, ...
Read More »Report: Cultural Genocide Absolutely Delicious
“I have gained so much damn weight during this research.” Tel Aviv, January 3 – A survey of foodstuffs available in Israel has determined that dishes adopted or adapted from foods Palestinians claim as theirs, and whose use by Israelis represents ...
Read More »Poll: Hearing American-Accented Hebrew Worse Than Getting Stabbed
Even the minority of non-American respondents who did not liken hearing American-accented Hebrew to having one’s toenails pulled out with pliers nevertheless rated the experience as negative. Jerusalem, December 26 – A survey of both native-born and longtime-immigrant Israelis reveals ...
Read More »For A Price, Man Can Get You A Good Spot At The Anti-Corruption Rally
“In exchange for a small fee, I schmooze with some organizers and police, and there you go.” Tel Aviv, December 25 – Saturday night’s demonstration on Rothschild Boulevard against graft, cronyism, and other breaches of public trust in government marked ...
Read More »