“If you ask me, there’s something fishy going on there.” Jaffa, January 31 – A prophet trying to escape his mission had no choice but to purchase an entire vessel when a labor stoppage by union workers delayed the departure ...
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Feed SubscriptionNew Book Tells All About Time-Traveling Bodyguard Of Baby Hitler
“No one ever stopped to consider other ways of preventing the Holocaust, such as preventing Hitler’s parents from meeting, or arranging his acceptance to art school.” Tel Aviv, January 24 – Publishing house Kinneret-Zmora-Bitan announced today it has secured the ...
Read More »Utility Happy To Return Money It Collected ‘In Error’ If You Waste More Time, Money On Asking
“We monitor our customer satisfaction metrics all the time to ensure we’re not letting anyone outside our circle of cronies experience any.” Jerusalem, January 18 – A company that charged your account far in excess of what you owed them ...
Read More »Used To Relieving Themselves Anywhere, Israelis Puzzled By Pay Toilets
“It takes a special sort of idiot, or a tourist, I suppose, to think it’s worth paying to urinate.” Jerusalem, January 11 – Confusion has reigned in Israel since the introduction of public toilet facilities that require payment for use, ...
Read More »Report: Cultural Genocide Absolutely Delicious
“I have gained so much damn weight during this research.” Tel Aviv, January 3 – A survey of foodstuffs available in Israel has determined that dishes adopted or adapted from foods Palestinians claim as theirs, and whose use by Israelis represents ...
Read More »Poll: Hearing American-Accented Hebrew Worse Than Getting Stabbed
Even the minority of non-American respondents who did not liken hearing American-accented Hebrew to having one’s toenails pulled out with pliers nevertheless rated the experience as negative. Jerusalem, December 26 – A survey of both native-born and longtime-immigrant Israelis reveals ...
Read More »For A Price, Man Can Get You A Good Spot At The Anti-Corruption Rally
“In exchange for a small fee, I schmooze with some organizers and police, and there you go.” Tel Aviv, December 25 – Saturday night’s demonstration on Rothschild Boulevard against graft, cronyism, and other breaches of public trust in government marked ...
Read More »Cannibal Excited After Hearing About Shelter For Battered Women
“Not sure what their business model is – not that I’m complaining.” Jaffa, December 19 – An area enthusiast of consuming human flesh admitted today he was anxious to sample the wares at a local facility that houses battered women, ...
Read More »Media Settle On 35:1 Ratio For Stories On Palestinians Vs. Israelis As Victims
Some members of the FPA worried that they might not be able to adhere to the 35:1 guideline. Jerusalem, December 13 – Several weeks of deliberation among bureau chiefs of foreign media organizations have resulted in a joint decision to ...
Read More »Jews Arrogantly Continuing To Exist, Prosper
Initial efforts to eliminate Jews as a people first occurred during the latter half of the sixth century BCE. Jerusalem, December 6 – Despite thousands of years’ worth of efforts to eradicate them and demonstrate the world does not want ...
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