“I’m not surprised the Tel Aviv attack resulted in only light injuries to the four victims. That’s basically what you get when you settle for an inferior product.” Jerusalem, October 8 – Jamal Masri, 21, is effusive in describing his ...
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Feed SubscriptionCumin Rights Watch Says Israel Treating Activists As Spice
Israel has mustard significant personnel for this purpose. Basil, Switzerland, October 8 – Executive Director of Cumin Rights Watch Fennel Roth told reporters today that Israel is treating his oreganozation’s personnel as spice, and illegally restricting their movemint. Roth called a ...
Read More »Ancient Mosaic Reveals Byzantines Were Made Of Tile, Mortar
“Why did they disappear as suddenly as they appeared in history? These are all tantalizing, mystifying issues.” Kiryat Malachi, September 30 – Archaeologists studying a newly discovered mosaic in this southern town expressed satisfaction at the level of detail preserved ...
Read More »Israel Officially Apologizes For Producing Uri Geller
Ministry spokeswoman Loma Amin said that on behalf of the people of Israel, the government apologizes to the world both for producing and tolerating such a fraud, and for taking this long to acknowledge it. Jerusalem, September 20 – Saying ...
Read More »Bin Laden Blending In Seamlessly In Bnei Brak
Saddam Hussein is similarly living unmolested in the area. Bnei Brak, September 10 – Four years after his death was faked at a villa in Pakistan, 9/11 mastermind Osama Bin Laden has made a smooth transition to the lifestyle of a ...
Read More »Haaretz To Boycott Israeli Advertisers
Haaretz’s new policy will take effect on the first day of October to avoid the complications of advertising packages already sold to Israeli companies and organizations. Tel Aviv, September 6 – The editorial board at Israel’s Haaretz daily voted this ...
Read More »Confused Guides Offering Sanatorium Tours For Asylum-Seekers
“You’d have to be, well, crazy not to see the potential of this.” South Tel Aviv, August 31 – Tour guides around the country expressed bewildered amusement at the macabre tastes of visitors from Africa, but are nevertheless preparing to ...
Read More »Israel Makes Green Line Red So Obama Will OK Crossing It
“I’m surprised they didn’t think of this several years ago when Obama first let Assad cross red lines,” said commentator Chava Daum. Tel Aviv, August 26 – Israeli publishers will begin printing the 1949 cease-fire lines with Egypt and Jordan ...
Read More »Angry Dad: IDF Won’t Rent Out Sniper To Use On Daughter’s Boyfriend
The father was heard to refer to several IDF officers by various unprintable names, and to question, inter alia, their parentage, masculinity, patriotism, morality, courage, intelligence, and mental stability. Kfar Sava, August 21 – A local father flew into a rage today ...
Read More »New Lotto Game: Name Next Pretext For Palestinian Violence
It leverages the expertise that every Israeli claims in political and security affairs, and lets them put their money were their mouths are. Tel Aviv, August 17 – Israel’s lottery administration announced a new game today, in which players can bet ...
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