“The sheer audacity of the Teva enterprise is stunning,” said Ministry of Health spokesman Avi Uss. Petah Tikva, Israel, March 5 – One of the world’s largest pharmaceutical manufacturers has been caught dealing drugs, Israeli regulatory authorities announced today, and ...
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Feed SubscriptionSecret Codes To Control World Economy Accidentally Tweeted
Later in the day the Supreme Council of Elders convened and issued a new protocol intended to prevent a recurrence of the leak. Tel Aviv, February 26 – A rare mistake today by one of the shadowy Elders of Zion ...
Read More »Idiotic, Selfish Behavior In Snow Surging In Popularity Among Israelis
“The stereotype of Israelis is smart, but man, that is not in evidence today.” Jerusalem, February 21 – Residents of this city are reporting an upswing in stupidity and narcissism related to snow, matching a national trend. The second snowfall ...
Read More »Israel Declares Day Of Mourning Over Death Of Nutella Maker
Pop icon Shlomo Artzi famously smeared Nutella all over his body before performances throughout the 1970’s, sparking a trend among Israeli women eager to use the treat to maintain youthful, supple skin. Jerusalem, February 15 – Already grieving over the ...
Read More »Haaretz, NY Times To Stop Reporting Antisemitism
“Giving coverage to attacks on Jews would only encourage more such attacks.” Tel Aviv, February 9 – Two major international daily publications announced this morning (Monday) that they would no longer publish news stories involving incidents of Jew-hatred. The New York ...
Read More »‘Buji’ Herzog Snags Last Remaining Stupid Nickname
Future leaders will be forced to bear nicknames that do not prompt people to wonder what the hell they were thinking. Tel Aviv, February 2 – Opposition Leader and current election frontrunner Isaac Herzog confirmed today that his moniker “Buji” ...
Read More »New Public Works Projects To Bring Jerusalem Into 20th Century
Alleyways that previously could only allow two people to pass abreast now have the capacity for an entire pedestrian to trip into one of the many open ditches and break as many as eighteen bones at once. Jerusalem, January 26 ...
Read More »Hebrew Language Academy Flummoxed By ‘In The Black’
“We can’t wrap our heads around that idea,” admitted a committee member. Jerusalem, January 20 – Israel’s authority on the proper Hebrew equivalent to vernacular terms adopted into the language has declined to translate foreign terms referring to a positive balance ...
Read More »Harper-Collins Releases Map For Israelis With No Muslim Countries
New York, January 12 – Publishing giant Harper-Collins announced today that it will soon issue an atlas for Israeli grade-school students that does not include the names of any Muslim or Arab countries, a launch that the company says is ...
Read More »Israel Bracing For Storm Of “So Much For Global Warming” Remarks
Jerusalem, January 6 – Meteorologists and Israeli government officials are warning residents and visitors alike to prepare for a major storm of remarks questioning the validity of climate change observations and predictions, in reaction to an anticipated snowfall and lower-than-average ...
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