PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Ramat Aviv, Israel, October 29 – Researchers at Tel Aviv University announced today a startling breakthrough in the fight against Ebola, revealing that the serum they had developed both cures the patient of Ebola and simultaneously gives the patient autism. ...

Tel Aviv, October 22 – Music fans in Israel will be treated to four live shows by legendary rock musician Elvis Presley this coming spring, local promoters announced today. King Promotions, a Tel-Aviv-based agency, announced that in May next year, ...

“It takes considered, calculated forethought to perpetrate this kind of policy.” Jerusalem, October 15 – A police investigation has uncovered what officials say is convincing evidence that Israel is attempting to develop and maintain its status as the safest place ...

Tel Aviv, October 9 – Minister of Douchebaggery Aluf Arss introduced a new douchebag timetable yesterday morning, announcing that jogging or otherwise engaging in public athletic activity while shirtless would be officially sanctioned through November and December, and resume in ...

Jerusalem, October 1 – Police officials announced today that the vast majority of potential successors to the police commissioner have been eliminated from contention, ruling out everyone but a turnip in the Machane Yehuda market. Corruption scandals and incompetence have ...

Jerusalem, September 22 – The exploding population of feral cats in Israel has prompted the Ministry of Environmental Protection to declare the animals a renewable resource, clearing the way to harvest them and use them in myriad ecologically friendly projects, ...

Jerusalem, September 16 – Stiff competition in the high-stakes hot beverage market has led to increasing violence as customers torn between nearly identical competing chains get caught up in it. This month alone, more than a dozen have been killed ...

Hatzor, Israel, September 9 – Archaeologists excavating the Canaanite stronghold of Hatzor have discovered an artifact that conclusively corroborates the Palestinian claim to descent from those pre-Israelite inhabitants: the shield of a Canaanite warrior, to which a small child has ...

Jerusalem, September 6 – Frustrated attendees at various catered affairs took to the political arena this week to protest the drop in quality of the food they experience when moving from the smorgasbord to the sit-down meal, calling on their ...

Ein Zivan, Israel, August 31 – Following a firefight with Jihadist rebels and many fraught hours during which their fate was unclear, the 75 UN soldiers from the Philippines who managed to make their way across the border into Israel ...