PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Ashdod, Israel, November 15 – Simmering resentment over the perceived hijacking of national purpose and purity by Jews in the government has so far failed to provide fertile recruiting grounds for the Ku Klux Klan, the head of the Ashdod ...

Tel Aviv, November 10 – A Palestinian youth at a Tel Aviv train station was arrested today after mistakenly stabbing an Israeli soldier and unintentionally grabbing the man’s weapon, police report. The youth, from the west Bank town of Nablus, ...

Tel Aviv, November 4 – A Maccabi Tel Aviv soccer player who defended himself against the assault of a fan who ran onto the field now faces condemnation from the United Nations for his actions. In last night’s match between ...

Ramat Aviv, Israel, October 29 – Researchers at Tel Aviv University announced today a startling breakthrough in the fight against Ebola, revealing that the serum they had developed both cures the patient of Ebola and simultaneously gives the patient autism. ...

Tel Aviv, October 22 – Music fans in Israel will be treated to four live shows by legendary rock musician Elvis Presley this coming spring, local promoters announced today. King Promotions, a Tel-Aviv-based agency, announced that in May next year, ...

“It takes considered, calculated forethought to perpetrate this kind of policy.” Jerusalem, October 15 – A police investigation has uncovered what officials say is convincing evidence that Israel is attempting to develop and maintain its status as the safest place ...

Tel Aviv, October 9 – Minister of Douchebaggery Aluf Arss introduced a new douchebag timetable yesterday morning, announcing that jogging or otherwise engaging in public athletic activity while shirtless would be officially sanctioned through November and December, and resume in ...

Jerusalem, October 1 – Police officials announced today that the vast majority of potential successors to the police commissioner have been eliminated from contention, ruling out everyone but a turnip in the Machane Yehuda market. Corruption scandals and incompetence have ...

Jerusalem, September 22 – The exploding population of feral cats in Israel has prompted the Ministry of Environmental Protection to declare the animals a renewable resource, clearing the way to harvest them and use them in myriad ecologically friendly projects, ...

Jerusalem, September 16 – Stiff competition in the high-stakes hot beverage market has led to increasing violence as customers torn between nearly identical competing chains get caught up in it. This month alone, more than a dozen have been killed ...