Visitors to the various bureau offices are expected to spend at least 45 minutes waiting before their number is called. Jerusalem, January 8 – A local man went to the licensing bureau office to obtain a necessary document this morning ...
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Feed SubscriptionRace To Politicize Pope’s Mideast Visit Begins
Jerusalem (AP) – Pope Francis announced yesterday that he would be visiting the Holy Land in May of this year, setting off a scramble among Israelis and Palestinians to score propaganda points in their ongoing conflict and to leverage the ...
Read More »World Pulls Jaw Muscle While Yawning At Beirut Bombing
New York (AP) – The world was treated for a pulled jaw muscle today after yawning at the car bombing in a Beirut suburb yesterday. Doctors at New York’s Bellevue Hospital reported that that patient was admitted to the ER, ...
Read More »Media Outlets Rush To Update Pending Sharon Obituaries
New York (AP) – A rapid deterioration of former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s condition has journalists scrambling to update their files in case the publication of an obituary becomes necessary in the coming hours or days. Sharon, 85, suffered ...
Read More »City To Proudly Inaugurate 3 New Deadly Intersections
Jerusalem, January 1 – Cutting through the maze of alleys and narrow, one-way streets in the historic neighborhood of Nachlaot is Betzalel Street, where a twice-daily ritual takes place during rush hour as drivers routinely imperil pedestrians by barreling through ...
Read More »Israeli Gov’t Regrets Hanging Eichmann; ‘Could Have Freed Him Today’
Jerusalem (AP) – A spokesman for Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu today lamented Israel’s execution of Holocaust mastermind Adolf Eichmann in 1962, noting that the architect of the Final Solution could have been released with other killers of Jews this ...
Read More »After Rocket Fire, Israel Retaliates Harshly Against Trees, Rocks
Kiryat Shmonah, Israel, December 29 (AP) – One of five rockets fired from Lebanon hit near this northern Israeli town today, and the IDF responded fiercely with dozens of artillery shells aimed at empty fields, rocky hillsides, and unpopulated cedar ...
Read More »France: Arafat Not Poisoned, Franco Still Dead, Earth Still Orbits Sun
Paris, France (Reuters) – A government-commissioned analysis of the late Palestinian Leader Yasser Arafat’s remains has concluded that he did not die of poisoning, as some Palestinians had charged, but by natural causes. Arafat died in 2004 and no autopsy ...
Read More »Arafat’s Widow: Israel Also Used Polonium To Kill Jesus
Lausanne, Switzerland – In the wake of forensic evidence that the radioactive element Polonium-210 was present in some of the personal effects that late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat had with him when he died, his widow Suha Arafat sees the ...
Read More »Israel Announces New Construction In Settlements; World Ends Again
Jerusalem, Israel (AP) – Israel announced final approval for the construction of 1,500 residential units in a neighborhood of Jerusalem that it captured in the 1967 war, causing the end of the world yet again. The occurrence marks the latest ...
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