PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

The decrease allows him to devote attention to other, more Christian-populous areas such as Latin America. North Pole, December 25 – The personality responsible for distributing Yuletide gifts to children of the faith worldwide on this date confessed today he ...

“Damn,” thought the god, smacking himself on the brow. “Pun intended.” Tyre, December 16 – An ancient deity who exercised power over rainfall and related weather phenomena smacked his divine forehead today upon realizing he could have avoided tension in his ...

“A few hundred, or even a few thousand, dead civilians isn’t always a big deal. Context matters when calling for BDS.” New York, December 5 – Leaders of the Boycott, Divest, Sanctions movement that targets Israel over treatment of Palestinians ...

“100% of the protesters and bystanders injured, arrested, or killed in these incidents had it coming, just as 100% of our population is heterosexual.” Shiraz, November 26 – Authorities in the Islamic Republic explained the large number of protester shooting ...

“We will supply you with whatever you need until there are no more left of you to supply.” Tehran, November 14 – Leaders of the Islamic Republic asserted again their commitment to combating the existence of the Jewish State until ...

“The Zionists and their allies will fail in their campaign to subjugate and rule the region because we will do so first.” Tehran, November 6 – Officials in the Islamic Republic of Iran explain the country’s virtual takeover of Iraq ...

Turkish sources failed to provide concrete evidence of any of the subject assertions. Ankara, October 28 – A day after an audacious American strike may have killed the leader of the notorious Islamic State terrorist group in northeastern Syria, Turkish officials clamored ...

“An emerging challenge for the leadership in deflecting attention from its cronyism, nepotism, incompetence, corruption, support for terrorists, warped domestic priorities, and other issues best left shrouded in distraction.” Islamabad, October 3 – A proven political strategy to divert popular resentment from the ...

“We know this strategy worked during the Obama administration.” Tehran, September 19 – Regime officials in the Islamic Republic expressed desire this week that their ongoing efforts to sow instability, political violence, ethnic cleansing, and attain regional hegemony will encourage ...

Representatives of the agency declined to comment. Vienna, September 10 – A recent exploration of the International Atomic Energy Agency’s various offices and laboratories has turned up evidence that the organization possesses the capacity to conduct effective monitoring of Iran’s ...