By Saeb Erekat, Palestine Liberation Organization Ramallah, December 12 – The news out of the Australian capital today could not be worse for the righteous Palestinian cause: the government there appears on the verge of approving recognition of Jerusalem as ...
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Feed SubscriptionI’ll Do Your Hanukkah Lighting Ceremony For The Right Price
By Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu Jerusalem, December 3 – That time of year has come again, and I hereby make the same offer as always: in exchange for the right amount of cash, favors, or other benefit accruing to the ...
Read More »My Thanksgiving Dinner Is Not Complete Until I’ve Found At Least Four Ways To Invoke Israeli Apartheid
By Ken Roth, Director, Human Rights Watch New York, November 22 – We human rights activists live a difficult life: our organizations are feted in Geneva, do as we please with no oversight, and enjoy unparalleled international credibility with the ...
Read More »My Genocidal Antisemitism Does Not Necessarily Represent The Views Of My Genocidally Antisemitic Employer
By Yahya Sinwar, Hamas leader Somewhere beneath Shifa Hospital, Gaza City, November 14 – Recent confusion regarding the specific manifestations of murderous hatred that I and my organization espouse has made it necessary to issue the following disclaimer: my expressions ...
Read More »I Boycott Jerusalem Elections, Then Complain The City Ignores Me
By Alhaf Suwij, East Jerusalem resident Ras-a-Amud, Jerusalem, October 31 – Maintaining one’s ideological principles is important. Me, I adhere to my people’s official position that participating in the holy city’s municipal elections normalizes occupation, and therefore all Palestinians must ...
Read More »We Prefer More Subtle Antisemitism At This Institution, Mr. Crabtree
By Professor Albert Bunchwick, Rector Sit down, Mr. Crabtree. We must have a little talk. It has come to the administration’s attention that during your lectures, you have taken to indulgence in some rather distasteful stereotypes about members of the ...
Read More »It’s Cute How You Think Dressing Modestly Will Keep Me From Harassing You
By Luqdat Tahat Cairo, October 11 – Whenever women complain that men make uninvited suggestive, derisive, or immodest remarks to them, the discussion inevitably wanders in to the subject of how women dress and what manner or quantity of clothing ...
Read More »Self-Hating Jew? No, I Only Hate Other Jews, Not Myself
I hate religious Jews, and I’m not one, so how could I be self-hating? North Tel Aviv, September 13 – You people need to stop the name-calling. When I oppose the sale of apartments in my neighborhood to Jews who ...
Read More »Oh Felesteen, We Love You So, We Will Burn You Up So The Jews Can’t Have You
By Hamas If you love something, set it on fire. Beloved Land, we would give our lives for you. And we do, all the time. The depth of our attachment to you runs so deep, so strong, that we will ...
Read More »We Find The Use Of Profanity In Calling Mr. Corbyn Antisemitic More Troubling Than His Antisemitism
By UK Labour When an MP from our party whose family members were killed in the Holocaust stood up in Parliament on Tuesday and called our chairman a “@%$&ing anti-Semite,” we were appalled that the situation had deteriorated to the ...
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