By The United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees (UNRWA) We’ve been hearing quite a bit about some expectation that refugees be resettled in places other than the ones they left and thus be given the opportunity to ...
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Feed SubscriptionThe Pigeons Are Crapping All Over Everything In This Goddamn Ark
By Noah, Son of Lemech When I agreed to take on the task of preserving all the land-based life in the world, I expected some difficulty. It cannot be easy to tend to countless species, to keep predators and prey ...
Read More »Why Didn’t The Hebrews Just Fire Pharaoh?
By Donald Trump Have you all read the book of Exodus? Great Book. Terrific book. Always holds my interest. But you know, there’s one thing about the whole saga of the Exodus I don’t understand: why didn’t the Hebrews just ...
Read More »You Can’t Call Hitler A Nazi! It’s Too Emotive!
By Loretta Lynch, Attorney General There is entirely too much emotive language being used in our society’s rhetoric, especially in the aftermath of the Orlando shootings. If we are to face the myriad cultural, legal, security, and bigotry challenges with ...
Read More »I Like Giving Conflicting Prophecies To Different Leaders
By God It never ceases to amaze Me how you humans get hold of an idea and force everything else to fit that idea, no matter how bloody or unpleasant the consequences. It also amuses me to no end (I ...
Read More »We Have To Co-Opt The Orlando Shooting For Palestine Without Supporting Gays
By Mahmoud Abbas, Palestinian President As with every other major tragedy, our task as Palestinian leaders and advocates is to tie our struggle in with the victims of the Orlando night club massacre, but in this case we have to ...
Read More »We’re So Indigenous, The Land Came From Us
By Mahmoud Abbas I’m getting tired of having to reiterate our ancient claim to the land of Palestine and how it far precedes that of the Jews, so let me settle this once and for all by establishing that we ...
Read More »It’s OK Children, The Media Will Never Accuse Us Palestinians Of Lying
By Mustafa Mustashi, Ramallah schoolteacher All right, class, settle down. I’ve been hearing a lot of talk lately about lying, about getting caught lying, and the consequences of lying. So I want to make one thing perfectly clear to each ...
Read More »A Land Flowing With Milf And Honey? I Am SO There.
By Zmiri Ben-Salu, Tribe of Simeon Oh, man, this is going to be great. Have you heard? Moses came back from Midian to tel us the LORD is going to take us out of this godforsaken place and bring us ...
Read More »The Opposition May Choose A New Leader. It’s So Cute.
By Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu The Labor Party, not to mention the Zionist Union faction and the Opposition in general, is in the throes of debate over whether Labor chief Buji Herzog should remain the leader of the Opposition – ...
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