By Shelly Yechimovich, Labor Party It’s been a trying couple of weeks for the Labor Party in Israel, but we are about to put this chapter behind us, for better or for worse. As I write these words the leader ...
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Feed SubscriptionSyrian Lives Aren’t As Important As My Legacy
By Barack Obama Recent reports about Ben Rhodes, my foreign policy guru, and his alleged overselling of the Iran Deal have raised quite a few questions about my Middle East policy. To lay those questions to rest, let me be ...
Read More »No Israel-Nazi Comparisons In Today’s Haaretz? We’re Slacking
By Amos Schocken, Publisher Thank you for coming to this meeting, Haaretz staffers. Together we can continue to forge new paths in journalism. But we can only do so if we meet certain requirements for production and content -and today’s ...
Read More »Hey, Picot, You Have To Come See The Middle East Now
By Mark Sykes, British Diplomat François? You have to see this, François. Look at the areas of the former Ottoman Empire in 2016. Look at the countries we essentially created with a swipe of the pen a hundred years ago. You ...
Read More »I Hope That Red Sea Incident Doesn’t Raise My Chariot Insurance Premiums
By Thutmose III, Ruler of Egypt We all have accidents on the roads, even the best drivers. Sometimes circumstances are simply beyond a driver’s control. Given that fact, I’m relying on the insurance company writing off the loss of my ...
Read More »I’m Going To Drive A Hard Bargain To Buy The Chametz This year
By Tom the Shabbos Goy Officially my job here at the synagogue is caretaker, but I do more than just custodial work and landscaping. The community pays me just fine, as far as that goes, but I think I it’s ...
Read More »Nutjob Racists Side With Us. Checkmate, Zionists
By Ali Qawasmeh For years, the pitched rhetorical battle for public opinion has waged, between the supporters of freedom, liberty, human rights, and everything good, and the Zionists. Somehow the evil Zionists managed to hoodwink enough influential people into supporting ...
Read More »She Sells Seashells By The Seashore Because She’s A Capitalist Zionist Pig
You know what another name for a shore is? A bank. And who runs the banks? Q.E.D. You think you’re so smart. You think things work a certain way, and if you just follow the rules, everything will be OK. ...
Read More »Am I Allowed To Use A Non-Palestinian In A Victim Role, Mr. Director?
By Sylvia Martin, Casting Director Sir, I know it’s an unusual request, and under normal circumstances I would not even have a question in this regard, but I’ve been going through the characters we have for this production and I’ve ...
Read More »Sir, You Didn’t Select A No-Hijacking Seat On Your Flight
By Fatima Saidi, EgyptAir Customer Service Representative Good morning, sir. How can I be of service today? Yes, I understand. Have you reviewed our refund policy? Good, good. Then let me file your request for a- oh, wait. This might not ...
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