“The main concern with our work right now is letting our skills or procedures get rusty.” Ra’anana, June 21 – The bodyguards of Israel’s prime minister acknowledged today that their job has become less stressful in recent months with the ...
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Feed SubscriptionStudy: Only Your Opponents Defined By Extremists On Their Side
Only dishonesty could account for those who associate you with objectionable elements. Your invocation of the other side’s extremists, however, captures the essence of that entire camp’s ideology. Tel Aviv, June 15 – New research suggests that whereas your political fellow-travelers ...
Read More »Tantalus Glad At Least He Not Yair Lapid Chasing Premiership
“I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” Tartarus, May 26 – A Greek demigod sentenced to have the objects of his fondest desires always eluding his grasp took solace today upon realizing that the fate of Israel’s current ...
Read More »MKs Clinging To Power: Our Disastrous Policies Still Preferable To Elections That Would Trounce Us
“Anything has to be better than Netanyahu. Unless he offers me to share the premiership, which obviously is what the country needs, provided I get to go first.” Jerusalem, May 18 – Ministers and officials in the embattled government and ...
Read More »Fringe Group Acting On Behalf Of ‘The People’ Attracts Votes From Few Actual People
“It’s totally unlike the elites that we aim to supplant, who claim to know what the masses need but in fact are more interested in maintaining and expanding their own power. We would never do that, unlike every other supposedly-Communist ...
Read More »Share Of Palestinians Who See Jews As Human Doubles, To .002%
A minority of analysts raised the possibility that wider Arab normalization with Israel has affected Palestinian attitudes. Ramallah, April 27 – A survey of public opinion in the Gaza Strip and West Bank shows a marked rise in the popularity of viewing ...
Read More »Gantz, Meretz Suddenly Realize European Govt’s Don’t Get To Vote In Israel Elections
“I was under the impression that we career officers-cum-politicians naturally know better than hoi polloi, who probably don’t even know the difference between Mercedes and BMW.” Tel Aviv, April 14 – Leaders of the country’s most progressive parties came to ...
Read More »Unused Official Jet Realizes It A Metaphor For Gov’t Incompetence
A microcosm of this country’s political decision-making, delaying the intimidating reckoning each time it rears its head, only to ensure an even bigger problem next time. Ben-Gurion Airport, April 6 – A Boeing 767-300ER intended to serve as the prime minister’s ...
Read More »Ukraine Refugees In Israel Expected To Form Own Political Party By 2023
“Everyone wants to be Yisrael Beiteinu.” Ben-Gurion Airport, March 28 – Jews fleeing the destruction and fighting in their erstwhile country of residence after a Russian invasion will find their interests inadequately represented in the current mix of factions hoping ...
Read More »Religious Group That Survived Self-Sufficient For Centuries Warns Of Collapse Without Generous Gov’t Subsidies
“We cannot focus on the words of ancient great men such as Rabbi Yitzhak the Blacksmith, Rabbi Yohanan the Shoemaker, or Rabbi Elazar the Pitch-Maker, if we must devote our days to earning a living.” Jerusalem, March 17 – Legislators representing the Haredi sector of the ...
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