The decision also removes the seven dissenting justices from the Court. Jerusalem, November 19 – Israel’s supreme judicial body handed down a landmark decision today, ordaining that in light of the ongoing public health crisis resulting from the SARS-CoV-2 pathogen, ...
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Feed SubscriptionExperts Unsure Which Eulogy More Frequent: Democracy Or Bibi’s Career
“I’m not inclined to count each case of someone sharing that climactic tantrum scene from the the Hitler movie ‘Downfall’ as a discrete instance, but your mileage may vary.” Jerusalem, November 10 – Joe Biden’s election victory this weekend following ...
Read More »Commission: Israel Not Truly Jewish State Without 2nd Knesset MKs Don’t Attend
“I might also point out that certain government-run institutions have an unfortunate reputation for punctuality.” Jerusalem, October 29 – A governmental fact-finding committee on the relationship between state and religion published its findings today following two years of research into ...
Read More »Joint List To Oppose Any Deal With Palestinians As Well
“If Muhammad the Prophet himself were to ink such a deal we would still oppose it. We would also claim it wasn’t really Muhammad, because that would be awkward.” Jerusalem, October 21 – The alliance of mostly-Arab parties in Israel’s ...
Read More »Goliath Polling +24% After Verbal Exchange With Israelites
“It’s hard to see how Saul and his camp will recover from this.” Elah Valley, Philistine-Israelite border region, October 8 – A rhetorical confrontation between a Philistine warrior champion and his opponents, led by Saul, king of Israel, concluded this ...
Read More »Cabinet Decides Masks, Distancing Only Apply To ‘Little People’
“Everyone should have grasped long ago that there is a special elite to whom the rules do not apply. It’s actually a little shameful to me that we had to make this explicit after all this time.” Jerusalem, September 24 ...
Read More »Coronavirus Threatens Resignation If Litzman Not Reinstated As Minister
“I need someone who can work to help me do my job,” explained the coronavirus. Jerusalem, September 15 – The pathogen behind a global pandemic that has killed hundreds of thousands and sickened millions more warned that unless former Minister ...
Read More »Report: Even Good Thing Bad If Other Political Side Does It
Many sense it intuitively. Jerusalem, September 3 – Scientific research has confirmed a long-held assumption prevalent among the civically engaged, a new study claims, to the effect that constructive, beneficial acts, policies, or decisions that a government adopts become wrong ...
Read More »If Gov’t Falls, Gantz Vows Alternative Elections
An alternative to the ones that would inevitably return Mr. Netanyahu to the helm of yet another lame-duck government unable to form a stable, lasting coalition. Jerusalem, August 26 – Alternative Prime Minister Benny Gantz promised today that in keeping ...
Read More »Judenrat Candidate Insists He Most Qualified To Provide Futile Cushion Against Nazi Brutality
“If the Judenrat will toil in vain,” he chanted, “it might as well be led by someone vain!” Bialystock Ghetto, August 13 – Authorities mandated this week that the Jews of this city elect delegates to a council that will ...
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