He counts it as one of his supreme achievements. Brooklyn, October 20 – Infernal sources disclosed today that the Prince of Darkness has admitted to feeling more chuffed than he had expected at the launch of his Evil Initiative thousands ...
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Feed SubscriptionGabbai Trying To Convince Sixth Man He Actually Tenth
“It’ll only take five minutes,” Rosenberg added, bringing the number of falsehoods up to two. Jerusalem, October 11 – A synagogue functionary has mustered all of his powers of persuasion to convey to a passerby the foregone conclusion that a ...
Read More »Disaster Strikes At IfNotNow Simchat Torah Chametz Burning
INN selected the time and day to maximize the metaphorical impact of that’s when they could get everyone to commit to coming. New York, September 30 – A progressive organization seeking to harness its Jewish bona fides by tying its ...
Read More »Man Pleads To Be Airlifted Out From High Holiday Seat Between Sniffer, Throat-Clearer
Bothersome habits of the attendees around him prevented him from concentrating on anything important. Brookline, September 9 – A worshiper at Temple Shalom in this affluent Boston suburb spent most of the Rosh HaShanah service sending desperate, surreptitious text messages to ...
Read More »Man Threatens To Cancel Subscription To Shul Newsletter
“I’ll give them till next week’s issue, because I know it’s short notice for this week, but then boom – I’m canceling.” Woodmere, August 26 – A synagogue member who feels that his house of worship’s weekly publication has taken ...
Read More »Progressives Set Up Office Of Inquisition For Acceptors Of Jewish Equality
“Only with a uniform set of tenets can we, who represent the forces of tolerance and diversity, hope to restructure the systemic injustice to enfranchise everyone who agrees with us.” Park Slope, August 17 – Orthodox elements within the progressive ...
Read More »Mahdi Spotted At Tel Aviv Ice Cream Parlor
“I know I could get tired of hiding away from human eyes for so long. A milkshake would be just the thing.” Tel Aviv, August 5 – Customers and passers-by saw the main eschatological figure of Islam enjoying himself at a local ...
Read More »Man Argues For Pepperoni Pizza Exception To Meat-Dairy Ban
“Ask for your manna to taste like it tomorrow and you’ll understand.” Wilderness of Sinai, July 28 – An Israelite studying the new set of laws that Moses transmitted to the people from the Almighty took issue today with the ...
Read More »Islamic Leaders Worried They May Have Missed A Jewish Shrine To Appropriate
A development that threatens the absolute nature of Islam’s inevitable dominance in Islamist theology. Jerusalem, July 19 – Muslim community officials expressed anxiety today that some Jewish holy sites might have escaped the fate that befell almost all other places ...
Read More »Report: Ancient Prophets, Sages Wise Except Where You Disagree
In this month’s issue of the journal Pathways in Observed Social Trends in Human Organization and Cooperation (POSTHOC), a sociology periodical. Jerusalem, July 8 – Researchers have determined that the lore and insight of those who lived long ago, and thus had ...
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