Noooooo, my mom has to be the weirdo. Jerusalem, April 20 – A local seventh-grader has concluded that once again, he must brace himself for the awkward, humiliating experience of his mother’s dietary sensibilities juxtaposed with the mainstream junk food ...
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Presumptuous of Jews to think they can be not under Islamic domination. Jerusalem, April 8 – The Islamic council that administers the plateau they call the Haram al-Sharif, or Noble Sanctuary, and which endorses the use of the holy site ...
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“My first thought is I did something wrong in placing the charms, so that they are actually having no effect.” Jerusalem, March 25 – A customer at a cut-price chain retailer voiced her consternation today upon discovering not only that ...
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“We can’t just use the blood of goyim indiscriminately as we used to, not in the current epidemiological environment.” Jerusalem, March 17 – Consumers beginning their acquisitions for the upcoming Passover festival have noticed an uptick in expenses stemming from ...
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Reactions included numerous “Likes” in which the irony failed to resonate. Teaneck, March 8 – Little more than a week after Purim, a local homeowner has managed to clear, vacuum, and scour her residence to rid it of foodstuffs forbidden ...
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Ben-Ami’s organization rose to combat the common misperception that the Jews give monolithic support to their own redemption and restoration. Shushan, Achaemenid Empire, February 17 – The emperor issued a proclamation today boasting that his administration has earned the support ...
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“Works with suspect content of this or any other sort will not be included in the canon.” Jerusalem, February 18 – Redactors of a collection of sacred texts almost let through a prank that would have plagued millennia of readers ...
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“The Zeroth Commandment is ‘Don’t be a goddamn imbecile.'” Divine Throne Room, February 8 – The Creator and Sustainer of all reality expressed frustration today upon discovering additional evidence that despite numerous clear passages in His revealed Word extoling Jewish ...
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“Making such a dangerous promise is a one-sided measure that establishes facts on the ground prejudicing the outcome of Israeli-Palestinian negotiations.” Beth El, January 28 – A group of left-wing American lobbyists voiced dismay today following a divine commitment to ...
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Bil’am laid the groundwork for his “silencing” claim with a warning that he will only speak that which YHWH endorses. Shittim, Transjordan, January 20 – A prophet and sorcerer whose repeated attempts to curse the Lord’s chosen people came to ...
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