“Awkward, especially when we’re trying to ingratiate ourselves to other progressive activist groups.” New York, August 31 – Preparations for the upcoming High Holidays in numerous progressive synagogues and temples have prompted more anxiety in 2020 than in years past, ...
Read More »Category Archives: Religion
Feed SubscriptionEvangelicals Only Want To Use Jews, Warn Activists Who Only Want To Use Jews
Support for Israel as a shared value between the two faith groups is an unacceptable form of “tokenism.” New York, August 19 – Members of an anti-Israel group who cite certain members of the Hebrew persuasion to lend their agenda legitimacy cautioned ...
Read More »High Holiday Lockdown Threatens Man’s Plan To Note Everyone Singing Liturgy Wrong
Absence of communal prayers will deprive him of the self-righteousness he gets from observing that everyone sings everything wrong. Teaneck, August 10 – A resident of this northern New Jersey township voiced concern today that his synagogue’s announced intention not ...
Read More »Man Believes Day Of 9-Av Fasting Offsets Gluttony Of Other 364
“I’m not twenty years old anymore.” Beit Shemesh, July 30 – A resident of this town southwest of Jerusalem plans to take full dietary advantage of the traditional Jewish practice of not eating for a full twenty-four hours from Wednesday ...
Read More »Jews Worthy Of Third Temple For Centuries Already, But Bureaucracy, Contractor Delaying Work
The Remnant of Israel reached its allotted threshold of suffering and longing during the Spanish and Portuguese expulsions of Jewry in the late fifteenth century Jerusalem, July 21 – Heavenly sources disclosed today that the messianic visions of the Hebrew prophets ...
Read More »Church Wonders How Many Liberal Jews Would Convert If Christ Recast As ‘Anti-Zionism’
Cardinal Pedro Beinardo heads the commission. Rome, July 9 – Leaders of the world’s largest Christian denomination have commissioned a study to determine whether the body’s ages-old ambition to convince adherents of the Mosaic faith to accept Jesus of Nazareth ...
Read More »Newsroom Scare: Religion Reporter Almost Gets Something Right
“That was a close one,” breathed publisher Amos Schocken. Tel Aviv, July 1 – Editorial and reporting staff at Haaretz breathed a sigh of relief Wednesday upon discovering that an article on Orthodox Jews did not, as feared, let facts ...
Read More »Jewish Voice For Peace Says Kaddish Over Recent Lack Of Terrorists For Whom To Say Kaddish
“The IDF can’t be relied on to supply the requisite number of Palestinian corpses with any regularity, and that’s a tragedy.” New York, June 22 – An activist group known for treating the deaths of even the most violent, heinous ...
Read More »Spies In Canaan Aim To Inspire US Jews To Call Israel ‘Nice Place To Visit’
“It’s not only our own social position and fear of change we’re considering – it carries implications for all time.” Qadesh Barnea, June 11 – Ten men dispatched from this wilderness location to the Promised Land to bring back details regarding ...
Read More »Man Can’t Get Socializing Done If 6-Ft Distancing In Place At Shul
“You can’t lean over and whisper a snarky comment to your buddy during the Rabbi’s recorded sermon the way you can in shul.” Bergenfield, New Jersey, June 2 – Family and friends of a regular Sabbath morning services attendee noted ...
Read More »