PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Gabriel introduced the award at a ceremony to honor Einstein on the occasion of the latter finally passing Heaven’s entrance exam. Paradise, January 9 – A Nobel laureate who made unparalleled advances in the theories underpinning human comprehension of the cosmos ...

The Bank of Israel and the Ministry of Finance appear to have ignored the Law of Unintended Consequences. Bnei Brak, December 31 – Researchers have identified a key factor in the economic challenges that face ultra-orthodox Jews in Israel, according ...

Establishments pursuing a more elite non-kosher clientele will also enjoy more expensive options such as certification that the establishment uses or serves wine consecrated or offered to idolatry. Jerusalem, December 20 – Israel’s religious establishment will begin levying fees on ...

Rival intramural groups place either Muslims or transgender women of color at the top of the victimhood ladder, but not both. Berkeley, December 11 – Divisions among officials and lay figures in the world’s most progressive religious movement worsened today ...

“Do not fall for the trickery that is Jewish adherence to Judaism.” Cairo, November 28 – A prominent Muslim preacher sounded an alarm this week that Jews are attempting to make their foundational documents, beliefs, and practices seem Jewish, a ...

“The stories of mohels down on their luck, but who can perform three circumcisions at once, strain credulity at best, and constitute outright fraud at worst.” Los Angeles, November 21 – Rabbinic circles buzzed today with emerging allegations that the ...

Embarrassed movement figures attempted to downplay the mistake. Khan Yunis, Gaza Strip November 12 – Burial for a number of Islamist fighters killed in a clash with Israel yesterday encountered delays when cemetery workers discovered the equipment they needed to ...

Not all activists are on board with the decision. Pittsburgh, November 1 – Members of anti-Israel groups congratulated themselves on their sensitivity this week for refraining from harassing those who lost loved ones in a mass synagogue shooting this past ...

“This is an unusual phenomenon,” admitted Archangel Gabriel. Janna, October 23 – A dissident Islamist journalist murdered and dismembered by agents of the Saudi Arabian regime three weeks ago received his reward of six dozen pristine women in Heaven for dying ...

“The Holy Father’s chief concern has always been the good name of the Church, and this move, in his divinely-inspired assessment, will go furthest in ensuring that the scandal dies down.” Rome, October 11 – The leader of the Roman ...