Gabriel introduced the award at a ceremony to honor Einstein on the occasion of the latter finally passing Heaven’s entrance exam. Paradise, January 9 – A Nobel laureate who made unparalleled advances in the theories underpinning human comprehension of the cosmos ...
Read More »Category Archives: Religion
Feed SubscriptionStudy: Haredim Poor Because Won’t Handle Shekel Notes With Images Of Women
The Bank of Israel and the Ministry of Finance appear to have ignored the Law of Unintended Consequences. Bnei Brak, December 31 – Researchers have identified a key factor in the economic challenges that face ultra-orthodox Jews in Israel, according ...
Read More »Rabbinate To Charge Non-Kosher Restaurants For Non-Kosher Certification
Establishments pursuing a more elite non-kosher clientele will also enjoy more expensive options such as certification that the establishment uses or serves wine consecrated or offered to idolatry. Jerusalem, December 20 – Israel’s religious establishment will begin levying fees on ...
Read More »Rifts In Church Of Intersectionality Over Hierarchy Of Victimhood
Rival intramural groups place either Muslims or transgender women of color at the top of the victimhood ladder, but not both. Berkeley, December 11 – Divisions among officials and lay figures in the world’s most progressive religious movement worsened today ...
Read More »Islamic Cleric: Jews Judaizing Judaism
“Do not fall for the trickery that is Jewish adherence to Judaism.” Cairo, November 28 – A prominent Muslim preacher sounded an alarm this week that Jews are attempting to make their foundational documents, beliefs, and practices seem Jewish, a ...
Read More »Fraud Alleged On ‘America’s Got Rabbis’
“The stories of mohels down on their luck, but who can perform three circumcisions at once, strain credulity at best, and constitute outright fraud at worst.” Los Angeles, November 21 – Rabbinic circles buzzed today with emerging allegations that the ...
Read More »Hamas Funeral Hits Snag As All Gravedigger Shovels Busy Digging Terror Tunnels
Embarrassed movement figures attempted to downplay the mistake. Khan Yunis, Gaza Strip November 12 – Burial for a number of Islamist fighters killed in a clash with Israel yesterday encountered delays when cemetery workers discovered the equipment they needed to ...
Read More »Activists Proud They’re Waiting Till After Shiva To Blame Pittsburgh Victims
Not all activists are on board with the decision. Pittsburgh, November 1 – Members of anti-Israel groups congratulated themselves on their sensitivity this week for refraining from harassing those who lost loved ones in a mass synagogue shooting this past ...
Read More »72 Virgins Each Get 1 Khashoggi Body Part
“This is an unusual phenomenon,” admitted Archangel Gabriel. Janna, October 23 – A dissident Islamist journalist murdered and dismembered by agents of the Saudi Arabian regime three weeks ago received his reward of six dozen pristine women in Heaven for dying ...
Read More »Pope To Transfer Accused Priests To Afghanistan, Where Western Media Ignore Pedophilia
“The Holy Father’s chief concern has always been the good name of the Church, and this move, in his divinely-inspired assessment, will go furthest in ensuring that the scandal dies down.” Rome, October 11 – The leader of the Roman ...
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