“Generations upon generations of Palestinian farmers have tilled the soil thus desecrated, and suffer the humiliation of occupation.” Geneva, September 1 – The United Nations Human Rights Council this afternoon issued the latest in a series of dozens of denunciations ...
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Feed SubscriptionEfforts To Organize “Pork-Eater Pride” Parade Fall Flat
“I fail to see why our insistence on enjoying this pleasure of the flesh should attract little to no media attention, and thus no public awareness or political support, while theirs is always front-page news.” Jerusalem, August 1 – Advocates ...
Read More »Really Strict Muslims Won’t Even Look At Muhammad’s Words
The movement, which has yet to decide on a name, because if they did it might get rendered in writing or print in this article or elsewhere, numbers somewhere between twenty and fifty people. Cairo, July 25 – Concern that ...
Read More »God Wishes You’d Decide What He Thinks Already
He proceeded to list numerous occasions on which human understanding of the divine will shifted, indicating a pathetic grasp of what the divine attribute of eternity means. Heaven, July 18 – Supernal sources reported today that the almighty creator of ...
Read More »Barclays Withdraws Sponsorship Of War Vs. Midian After Capture, Enslavement Of Women
“I predict many fewer such sponsorships, and an overhaul of the way Marketing approaches its mission.” Shittim, Plains of Moab, July 10 – A prominent player in the financial sector canceled its monetary support today for a retaliatory Israelite campaign ...
Read More »Madam Rosmerta’s Oak-Matured Mead to Get OU Supervision
“It’s time for me to take my business beyond the magical community.” Hogsmeade, July 10 – Connoisseurs of this wizarding village’s unique delicacies reported a wave of interest today following an announcement that the largest organization in the world handling ...
Read More »Terrorist Condemned To Return As Parent Of First-Grader Who Won’t Toilet Train
Mr. Ali will return to Earthly life in approximately 2025, this time as a suburban father of three near Philadelphia. Seventh Circle of Hades, July 3 – A Palestinian jihadi who died trying to kill Jews will be reincarnated as ...
Read More »Equality Activists Hoping To Force Male And Female Haredim To Use One Bathroom At Same Time
“True liberation will not be achieved until men and women of all demographics, but especially the ultra-conservative, enter bathroom stalls at the same time.” Tel Aviv, June 27 – Representatives of several feminist groups battling to achieve equality of the ...
Read More »Left Outraged As Rabbi Rules Rockets From Gaza Need Not Be Returned To Hamas
“Found objects with identifiable marks of ownership don’t automatically become the property of the finder.” Tel Aviv, June 20 – Political and cultural figures railed against a Jewish religious leader today for informing an inquirer that he need not try ...
Read More »Modesty Patrol Orders Store To Cover Macaroni Elbows
Other varieties of pasta have presented no such problem. Jerusalem, June 13 – A local squad of self-appointed enforcers with a mission to maintain strict standards of behavioral and sartorial conservatism warned the proprietor of a neighborhood grocery store to ...
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