“It is permissible to temporarily pretend not to be a Torah-observant Jew so that one may speak his or her mind without facing trial by media for incitement.” Har Bracha, December 26 – Jewish religious leaders in Israel have begun counseling their ...
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Feed SubscriptionCleric: All Currency Belongs To Muslims Because It Must Have At Some Point
Included in the ruling are humans, many of whom are descended from slaves once owned by Muslims. Jedda, December 20 – A religious official in this major Saudi city issued a ruling today that all money in the world belongs ...
Read More »Muscular Man Resents Being Pigeonholed As Hagbahah-Only Guy
“I’m getting a little sick of it.” Jerusalem, December 13 – An athletic, toned worshiper at a local synagogue has grown tired of his default role as the one who raises the open Torah scroll to show congregants the reading, ...
Read More »In Palestinian Jihadi Hell, Terrorists Forced To Hear Rival Groups Boast
The most common combination is Fatah-Hamas. The Underworld, December 7 – Eternal punishment for Palestinians who devoted themselves to political violence involves sitting and listening to the bragging claims of other, competing militants, a spokesman for the Afterlife revealed in ...
Read More »Controversial New Litvish Wedding Dance Shuffles Clockwise
They wouldn’t, rachmono litzlon, want to end up like the Chasidim, whose gyrating, dynamic dance moves are downright scandalous. Bnei Brak, November 30 – Scandal erupted this week in the world of Lithuanian Orthodox Jewry when a yeshiva student introduced a ...
Read More »Uproar As Campus Rabbi Permits Use Of Footwear Other Than Ugg Boots
“Someone has to tell this so-called spiritual leader that he can’t just undo tradition with a wave of his hand.” Baltimore, November 23 – Female students at Johns Hopkins University staged a protest today at what they termed the permissive ...
Read More »Kerry Assures 1930’s Jews There’s A Fatwa Against Genocide
Kerry declined to specify what religious authority issued such a fatwa. Washington, November 16 – Former Secretary of State John Kerry has continued his efforts to spread calm in a world troubled by the possibility of escalated sectarian conflict, reassuring Europe’s pre-WWII ...
Read More »Bakery Waits Week After Sukkot To Make Sufganiyot, Loses Kosher Status
“This delay is unacceptable,” stated Rabbi Amok Tiegen. Jerusalem, November 7 – A confectionery and baked goods establishment in the nation’s capital has been forced to forfeit certification that its products conform to Jewish dietary practice, after inspectors from the ...
Read More »Anti-Israel Bible Skeptics Suddenly Willing To Believe Account Of Canaanite ‘Genocide’
Acceptance of the bloodthirsty-conqueror-and-occupier descriptions applies in those academic and political circles only to the historical periods of Joshua and modern Zionism. Nablus, November 1 – Academics and public figures who under normal circumstances dismiss the early events in Jewish ...
Read More »To Distract From Batsheva-Uriah Affair, King David Declares Self Gay
“We’re seeing a media master at work,” remarked analyst Kevin Spacey. Jerusalem, October 30 – The David administration made a successful attempt to redirect recent talk of an emerging scandal regarding the king’s alleged affair with a married woman this ...
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