“God saw that it was good,” He declared with the hint of a smile on His lips. Rome, September 10 – The Son of God called on Pope Francis this morning, and on his way through the portions of Vatican ...
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Feed SubscriptionReciting The Talmud Backwards Reveals Words ‘Rav Ashi Is Dead’
Denials of the reports have only fueled speculation of a sweeping coverup and efforts to dig up more evidence. Sura, September 5 – Rumors are swirling in this Mesopotamian city that the venerable scholar who runs the prestigious academy has been ...
Read More »Hebron Hittites First Try To Sell Abraham Timeshare In Burial Cave
“Ephron was really giving him the hard sell,” recalled a witness. Kiryat Arba, Canaan, August 31 – Negotiations over Abraham’s purchase of a burial site for his wife concluded this morning, but witnesses reported this afternoon that at first, sellers ...
Read More »Sanhedrin Enacts 40 Lashes For ‘Liking’ Instead Of Retweeting
The Sanhedrin voted 70-1 in favor of the motion. Jerusalem, August 27 – The highest court in Jewish Law has decreed that Twitter users who click “Like” on a tweet when no compelling reasons exist for any response other than ...
Read More »Muslims: Shofar Blasts During Jewish Month Of Elul A Call To Destroy Al Aqsa
As evidence, the Islamic authorities point to the fact that they never need real evidence. Jerusalem, August 23 – Spiritual leaders at a contested Jerusalem holy site are warning that the Jewish practice of sounding a ram’s horn each weekday ...
Read More »Jesus Agrees Beatles More Popular
“You do Me no favors by showcasing your insecurity over the observations of a celebrity.” Jerusalem, August 16 – Jesus Christ, son of God, the Prince of Peace, King of the Jews, Messiah and Savior, shrugged His shoulders today and ...
Read More »In Hell, Terrorists Subjected To Endless Loop Of ‘Horse With No Name’
“It’s not even Neil Young – it’s Neil Young wannabe, which is somehow even worse.” Hades, August 14 – Perpetrators of political violence aimed at innocents face a new regimen of eternal suffering in the afterlife, consisting of a continuous ...
Read More »Kollel Wives Resort To Prostitution To Support Husbands
The trend is strongest among wives whose parents cannot afford to support the couple in as lavish a fashion as their more fortunate peers. Lakewood, New Jersey, August 8 – Increasing pressure on the wives of men who study in yeshiva full ...
Read More »Stringent Jews Extend Tisha B’Av Prohibition On Studying Torah To Whole Year
The vast majority of the world’s approximately 15 million Jews now refrain from Torah study all year long. Jerusalem, August 1 – The mourning practices associated with the saddest day on the Jewish calendar include a prohibition against studying all ...
Read More »Returning To Temple Mount, Waqf Hopes To Make Up For Lost Sports, Dancing At Holy Site
The group acknowledges the need now to compensate for the races, day camp activities, gymnastics displays, and other sacred rituals that were not performed on the Temple Mount during that period. Jerusalem, July 27 – Religious officials at Islam’s third-holiest ...
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