In exchange for a monthly fee, they may display certification of supervision, regardless of how often the facility is actually subject to inspection, if at all. Jerusalem, July 23 – Representatives of the Chief Rabbinate division charged with overseeing compliance ...
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Feed SubscriptionAllah So Damn Akbar He Can’t Defend His Third-Holiest Site From Lowly Jews
Jews have maintained a security presence in and around the compound for fifty years, a disgrace to Islam so intense that it calls into question the notion that Allah is, in fact, as akbar as His worshipers proclaim. Jerusalem, July ...
Read More »Environmenatlists Chide Jeremiah For Using Almond Branch In Vision
“Almond trees, like all trees, are not objects to be used or invoked by humanity at will, but creatures that deserve dignity.” Anatot, Kingdom of Judah, July 13 – Ecology-minded activists and organizations issued a rebuke to the prophet Jeremiah ...
Read More »Balaam Talking Out Of Ass Again
Balaam was seen administering an ass-whipping or two when his beast refused to comply with his wishes. Qiryat Hutzot, July 7 – The Aramean prophet Balaam, son of Be’or, has been making pronouncements from his ass, witnesses have stated. Two ...
Read More »Tel Aviv Schools To Drop Hebrew; Biblical Language Too Religious
Activists expressed satisfaction that their concerns are being addressed. Tel Aviv, July 3 – Ongoing debate over the role and presence of religious content in the secular education system intensified over the last two weeks, leading the Tel Aviv Municipality ...
Read More »Progressive Jews Enraged At Kotel Decision, Might Write Strongly-Worded Letter
“We demand that the prime minister reverse his shameful kowtowing to the ultra-orthodox, and kowtow to us instead.” New York, June 29 – Representatives of the liberal streams of Judaism in the US and Israel expressed intense anger this week ...
Read More »Satan Nixes LinkedIn Takeover; ‘Already Soulless’
Five hundred million souls would have gone a long way toward meeting the Devil’s futures quota for the second and third quarters of 2017. Hades, June 25 – The Prince of Darkness has withdrawn from an agreement to assume control ...
Read More »Earth Opens To Swallow Korah, Revealing Hamas Tunnel Network
“The earth opening up and swallowing might violate international law,” asserted Ken ben-Roth of Arab Rights Watch. Wilderness of Zin, June 20 – The rebellion of a tribal chieftain among the Israelites resulted in the ground devouring him, his sons, ...
Read More »Repenthouse: The Magazine For Porn-Again Christians
“Finding the sweet spot for our product can spread things wide open for us in other arenas.” New York, June 15 – Condé-Nasty Publications announced today that starting next month it will begin selling a magazine aimed at the growing demographic ...
Read More »At Haredi Tech School, All Courses Are How To Photoshop Out Women
“There’s a tremendous market for such a skill.” Jerusalem, June 15 – An oversight group tasked with reviewing the activities of government-funded training enterprises to assist Haredim in acquiring job skills for better integration into the working world and wider ...
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