“Our community reserves the right to resist this onslaught of heresy by any means,” read the statement. Jerusalem, December 21 – Religious leaders in the Muslim community across Israel warned today that if millions of Israeli Jews kindle their annual ...
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Feed SubscriptionJoseph Wondering Where The Hell Basel Ghattas Is With That Damn Phone
While conditions for Joseph in the prison are less brutal than for most prisoners, his situation remains far worse than the prisoners Ghattas has helped with his smuggling. Memphis Prison Facility, Egypt, December 19 – A Hebrew servant incarcerated for ...
Read More »Non-Priests Ask For TL;DR Version Of Leviticus
“We don’t need to know where the blood of an animal gets applied to the altar, or which internal organs get burned.” Wilderness of Sinai, December 15 – A coalition of Israelites representing all of the tribes but Levi petitioned ...
Read More »Muhammad Asks Facebook Users To Stop Tagging Him In Photos
It remains unclear to what extent Muhammad’s plea will be followed. Paradise, December 11 – The founder of the religion of Islam issued a plea today to his social network contacts to stop tagging his image in pictures they post ...
Read More »Shepherd’s Union Says Jacob Violated Regulations By Moving Rock Off Well By Himself
In further violation of regulations, he proceeded to water the livestock of the shepherdess Rachel, daughter of Laban. Paddan Aram, December 6 – Representatives of the Aram Naharayim Herders’ Association called for sanctions against Jacob today after the latter allegedly ...
Read More »Motives Of Terrorists Murdering In Name Of Islam Still Mysterious
“It’s a total enigma,” remarked Hedda Pmyass, a professor of comparative religion at Columbia University. New York, December 1 – In the wake of yet another Islamist attack this week, religion experts are still scratching heir heads over the possible ...
Read More »Prospect Of 3rd Temple Appearing Fully-Built On Temple Mount A Challenge For Mt. Of Olives Cable-Car Plan
The cable car as currently designed does not account for the disaster that could occur in such an event. Jerusalem, November 27 – Tourism and urban development officials clashed this week over a proposal to construct a cable car connecting ...
Read More »Early Hanukkah Causes Confusion Among Assimilated Jews
“So do we put presents under the turkey, or what?” Newport News, Virginia (AP) – The relatively early occurrence of Hanukkah this year has sown perplexity among assimilated American Jews, who have become accustomed to combining or confusing the holiday’s ...
Read More »Seething At Burial Fees, Abraham Buys Own Cemetery For Sarah
“‘Paperwork’ fees? Paper won’t be invented for two thousand years. What a racket.” Hebron, November 23 – The patriarch Abraham decided to buy his own burial ground to bury his late wife after encountering exorbitant prices to inter her in ...
Read More »Holy Land Completely Unaware It Supposed To Be Muslim
If the behavior of the land were any indication of its awareness, one might come to the erroneous conclusion that it favors non-Muslim rule. Jerusalem, November 17 – The strip of land nestled between the Mediterranean Sea and the Jordan ...
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