“Our ancestors used the fax, possibly as far back as the time of the Judges.” Hills of Samaria, July 31 – When the New Moon is proclaimed by the Court of Seventy Elders in Jerusalem later this week, agents of the ...
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Feed SubscriptionRabbi Fills In At DNC After Khamenei Declines To Offer Benediction
Khamenei declined to offer a reason for his eleventh-hour cancellation. Philadelphia, July 26 – Viewers, attendees, and participants in the first evening of the Democratic National Convention experienced some moments of disorder and unpredictability, but organizers confessed that the smooth ...
Read More »Tenth Annual Misunderstanding Judaism Conference Kicks Off
Several large Christian congregations sent delegations to the fair to reinforce the myths their communities have always assumed to be true. New York, NY – The Jacob Javits Convention Center was filled to capacity on Sunday as thousands of non-Jews ...
Read More »Angels Don’t Know If They Can Trust Abraham’s Kashrut
“We can probably rely on him just this once without inquiring whether everything is Badatz.” Oaks of Mamre – The trio of divine messengers tasked with engaging Abraham’s hospitality and informing him he will father a son with his wife ...
Read More »Death Creeped Out By Hamas Worshiping It
“I suppose you can say it Styx in my craw.” The Underworld, July 17 – The Grim Reaper voiced dismay this morning at rhetoric of the militant Islamist group Hamas to the effect that Israel must fear them because they ...
Read More »God Tests Beta Version Of AutoCorrect On Balaam
On three separate occasions AutoCorrect successfully thwarted the use of incorrect or harmful words. Plains of Moab, July 13 – Sources within the software development section of the Heavenly realm revealed today that they have been field-testing an app that runs ...
Read More »Rabbi Rules Fast Days Count As Diet
“Do you think the ninth of Av and the Day of Atonement, which are 25-hour fasts, can count more somehow?” Greenwich, CT, July 6 – A Jewish spiritual authority has weighed in on the physiological effects of the various fast ...
Read More »Al Aqsa Worshipers Confused By July 4 Fireworks Not Aimed At People
“The instructions and safety warnings were altered by the Zionists to trick us into thinking these aren’t weapons.” Jerusalem, July 4 – Palestinians attending the prayers at Al Aqsa Mosque today voiced bewilderment at traditional US Independence Day festivities featuring fireworks, ...
Read More »Isaiah Unsure What Part Of ‘House Of Prayer For All Nations’ People Don’t Get
“Anyone ever heard of standing up to evil?” Jerusalem, June 29 – The Hebrew prophet Isaiah voiced exasperation today following the Israel Police’s decision to bar all non-Muslims from the Temple Mount for the remainder of the month of Ramadan ...
Read More »Bible Codes Spell Out ‘Trump Has Tiny Hands’
A verse in Deuteronomy that bars a man with severed or crushed genitals from marrying serves as the starting point for a string of letters. Jerusalem, June 26 – Scholars exploring the Biblical text for clues to current events have ...
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