“Do you think the ninth of Av and the Day of Atonement, which are 25-hour fasts, can count more somehow?” Greenwich, CT, July 6 – A Jewish spiritual authority has weighed in on the physiological effects of the various fast ...
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Feed SubscriptionAl Aqsa Worshipers Confused By July 4 Fireworks Not Aimed At People
“The instructions and safety warnings were altered by the Zionists to trick us into thinking these aren’t weapons.” Jerusalem, July 4 – Palestinians attending the prayers at Al Aqsa Mosque today voiced bewilderment at traditional US Independence Day festivities featuring fireworks, ...
Read More »Isaiah Unsure What Part Of ‘House Of Prayer For All Nations’ People Don’t Get
“Anyone ever heard of standing up to evil?” Jerusalem, June 29 – The Hebrew prophet Isaiah voiced exasperation today following the Israel Police’s decision to bar all non-Muslims from the Temple Mount for the remainder of the month of Ramadan ...
Read More »Bible Codes Spell Out ‘Trump Has Tiny Hands’
A verse in Deuteronomy that bars a man with severed or crushed genitals from marrying serves as the starting point for a string of letters. Jerusalem, June 26 – Scholars exploring the Biblical text for clues to current events have ...
Read More »Weed Grower Hoping To Get Marijuana Included In Temple Incense
“Have you ever looked at the list of spices, man?” she asked a reporter. “I mean, really looked?” Wilderness of Sinai, June 21 – A cultivator and purveyor of marijuana leaves aims to have her wares included in the special blend ...
Read More »Experts: Israelites Asked For Meat Because Didn’t Know About Pizza
Only with that understanding, say the investigators, can one adequately account for their utter failure to request what is manifestly the finest non-miraculous food in existence. Kivrot HaTaava, June 16 – Analysts reviewing the recent behavior of the Israelites in ...
Read More »Naomi Returns To Bethlehem; Last Time Jew Does So Without Military Escort
The pair entered the town by themselves, causing a stir. Bethlehem, Judah, June 7 – The widow of the late tribal leader Elimelech came back to her hometown today after ten years in the land of Moab, marking the final ...
Read More »Fatwa: Depicting Israel Forbidden, As Negev Shape Too Erotic
“There is a violation of modesty, often in public, that occurs when one displays such an image.” Cairo, June 5 – A new religious ruling by one of the Muslim world’s leading clerics makes it a violation of Islamic principles ...
Read More »Community Has Kosher-Style Food, Moral-Style Behavior
“I don’t so much give my congregation moral guidance as I do moral-style guidance.” Snellville, Georgia – In this suburb of Atlanta, Temple Beth David’s Reform Jewish congregation offers a full range of religious-style services, bringing Jewish-style worship to Gwinnett County. ...
Read More »Islamic Martyrs Seem Disappointed With 72 White Grapes
“For the eternal life of me, I can’t fathom where the confusion lies, and what else they might have expected.” Paradise, May 31 – Supernal sources are reporting that recent arrivals in the Islamic Martyrs Pavilion in Heaven are expressing ...
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