Allah Himself will also make an appearance or two, on which occasions the defendant will comprehend as never before the damage he has done to Creation. Heaven, November 13 – The man known infamously to Westerners as Jihadi John has ...
Read More »Category Archives: Religion
Feed SubscriptionEXCLUSIVE: Israel’s Plans For Temple Mount: Dome Of The Hard Rock Cafe
Axl Rose has already taken to referring to himself as Al-Axl Rose for the occasion. Jerusalem, November 8 – Sources in Israel’s Ministry of Religious Services revealed exclusively to PreOccupied Territory that the government plans to transform the iconic Dome of ...
Read More »Scholars: Islamic Sources Justifying Lying Might Have Been Lying
Under Taqqiyya, fraudulent claims of Israeli brutality become religiously acceptable, since the goal is a noble one. Cairo, November 4 – Religious scholars at Egypt’s Quds Qollege have discovered that the originators of the use of the Islamic philosophy of ...
Read More »Palestinians To Accommodate Haredim By Not Stabbing Them On Sabbath
Several helpful users provided handy diagrams to help the uninitiated distinguish between traditional Haredi garb and various Goth-type fashion trends. Jerusalem, October 30 – Leaders in the Palestinian community urged their followers today to show some religious tolerance by avoiding ...
Read More »Waqf To Open Temple Mount To All Non-Non-Muslims
The model for this religious accommodation comes from Mecca. Jerusalem, October 26 – Citing the principle of religious freedom, the Jordanian religious institution that governs the internal affairs of the Temple Mount (Haram al-Sharif) facilities announced today that it would ...
Read More »Martyrs Begin Abandoning Heaven Amid Halal Meat Shortage
The halal shortage began late last month, say Heavenly sources, when Chicago Cubs fans began using goats to try to reverse the 108-year-old curse on their favorite baseball club. Paradise, October 21 – Thousands of Muslims who gave their lives ...
Read More »To Prevent Al Aqsa Desecration, Palestinians To Torch It As Well
The move comes after Palestinian rioters set alight Joseph’s Tomb in Nablus (Shechem) last night, a site claimed as sacred by both Jews and Muslims. Jerusalem, October 16 – Religious leaders at Al Aqsa Mosque are planning to burn down ...
Read More »Paper Fires Caricaturists; ‘Muslims Doing It Fine By Themselves’
Given the cartoonish behavior of so many Muslims, there appears to be no function left for a caricaturist to serve. Copenhagen, October 12 – A Scandinavian publication known for its irreverent depictions of the prophet Muhammad dismissed its staff of ...
Read More »Fatwa: Rocks Used To Attack Jews Also Granted Paradise
He clarified after his sermon that the pleasures of Paradise will belong to any type of object used in an attempt to kill Jews. Jerusalem, October 7 – A leading Muslim cleric has declared that attacks on Jews involving rocks ...
Read More »US Complains Was Not Notified Of Sukkah-Building Frenzy
Washington, October 8 – Aides to US President Barack Obama expressed displeasure today over not being informed of plans to assemble tens of thousands of makeshift residential structures over the last week in Jewish communities in areas both Israel and ...
Read More »