PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Administrators may not know the true inventory until it has been removed. Eden, August 27 – A divine spokesangel announced a new development plan for the supernal realms today, with the primary change involving the transfer of Heaven to a different, ...

Demand for the advertising space has dried up, and the revenue stream is all but gone. Lafayette, LA, August 23 – An attempt to generate much-needed revenue amid shrinking membership rolls at a local synagogue has hit a snag, as advertisers ...

“The main reason for prohibitions against sexual intercourse in a standing position is the danger that it could become mixed dancing.” Jerusalem, August 18 – Israeli religious leaders on the conservative end of the spectrum continued to voice opposition this ...

Nahagin apparently lies in the third order of the Mishna’s six divisions, which addresses laws governing male-female relationships. Jerusalem, August 13 – Researchers sifting through fragments from the medieval repository of manuscript remnants called the Cairo Geniza have unearthed a previously ...

The decals are mounted in such a way that under Jewish law they are considered adhering to, but not part of, the ritual ornament. Jerusalem, August 8 – Israel’s Chief Rabbis endorsed a new ruling this morning that allows the use of ...

Bnei Brak and Kiryat Sefer, two cities with an almost completely Haredi population, featured men walking around in Crocs of subdued colors. Jerusalem, August 3 – Sweltering under an unprecedented heat wave hitting the region, Israel’s leading Rabbis took the ...

Christ said He hopes His move will lead other divine figures to take similar steps to help inspire humanity to right injustices. Heaven, July 30 – The Lord and Savior Jesus Christ finally weighed in directly on the controversial Boycott, Divest, ...

“We will of course take into account eyewitness reports that he has appeared elsewhere in the world, such as on pieces of toast in Arkansas, but the most reliable accounts place him in these parts.” Jerusalem, July 22 – Minister ...

Jeffrey and Coombs have publicly questioned the statistical validity of the Witztum-Rips chocolate chip cookie, and the two factions have been exchanging heated e-mails ever since. Jerusalem, July 20 – Separate groups of academics working to gather more evidence of ...

“The nuclear inspection program could be a wonderful opportunity for our underemployed supervisors.” Jerusalem, July 16 – The International Atomic Energy Agency announced today that in keeping with the leniency shown to Iran under the recent Vienna agreement, inspections of ...