PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Heaven, December 29 – An embarrassed Almighty told reporters today that He had failed to receive the vast majority of people’s petitions over the last several millennia, as the filtering software He had installed ages ago on His incoming messages ...

New York, December 23 – Gyrone, a four-year-old decorative dreidel, has become increasingly frustrated over the years with the ignorance displayed by anyone and everyone he encounters, and their short attention span. “Nobody seems to have any idea what I’m ...

Bnei Brak, Israel, December 16 – Israeli ultra-orthodox Jews voiced confusion this week upon seeing vast stretches of foreign cities and towns decorated with tinsel, a material obviously intended for the Sukkah. The holiday of Sukkot ended two months ago, ...

Jerusalem, December 10 – Volunteer paramedics serving the ultra-orthodox Jerusalem enclave of Meah Shearim have announced that effective immediately, they will refuse medical treatment to anyone whose attire does not meet the modesty requirements of Jewish law. The local volunteer ...

Tel Aviv, December 3 – The popular internet news site Ynet announced today that in the coming election season it would cap the number of articles bashing religion and religious people at a little more than one per day. Prime ...

Bnei Brak, November 27 – Growing stringency in the practice of Jewish law among the ultra-orthodox has a new generation of adherents arranging to undergo circumcision a second – and sometimes third – time after they reach adulthood, observers report. ...

Jerusalem, November 19 – Palestinian religious authorities softened their stance on Jewish access to the Temple Mount today, declaring that they had removed the restriction on Jewish prayer at the compound for anyone more than 150 years old. The Waqf, ...

Amman, Jordan, November 13 – A leading Sunni preacher in the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan made waves today by floating the notion that Islam might take a kind view of treating the grave markers of Jews with respect. Hassan Ali ...

An attempt to fulfill the millennia-old dream of ushering in the messianic age by having all Jews observe a single Sabbath was spoiled this Saturday by Morty Hope, a 41-year-old Jew from Anchorage, Alaska, who violated the holy day by ...

Mosul, Iraq, November 2 – Crumbling technological infrastructure in the war-torn Middle East is wreaking havoc with Islamic martyrs’ ability to reach their promised 72 virgins, religious leaders told reporters today. The civil war in Syria, tribal fighting in Iraq, ...