PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

Susa, Persian Empire – Prime Minister Haman Ben Hamedata has been charged with a fine of 50 silver pieces for erecting an unauthorized structure on his property, sources inside the palace reported today. Eyewitnesses told PreOccupied Territory that upon returning ...

Eden, March 14 – The Lord Almighty has released plans announcing His intention to reduce the number of different holidays associated with intensive drinking, a move that will result this year in the Jewish festival of Purim and the Irish-Catholic ...

Shittim, Transjordan – Disaffection has set in among a group of Israelites in anticipation of entering the Land of Milk and Honey, as the group suffers from metabolic conditions that make their consumption of milk or honey either unpleasant or ...

Tehran, Islamic Republic of Iran, March 1 – After two terms leading his country in a staunchly anti-Israel, and, many would say, anti-Semitic direction, former President of Iran Mahmoud Ahmadinejad discovered his own Jewish roots yesterday. Unpacking from the move ...

"I can't wait to tell my buddies in shul about this one," said the team leader.

Bnei Brak, Israel, February 21 – Prominent Orthodox and Haredi (“ultra-orthodox”) Rabbis reacted today to what they called a worrisome trend among bakers, and issued an unequivocal ruling against the use of raisins as an ingredient in cookies. They called ...

Copenhagen, February 17 – As the Danish ban on Jewish ritual slaughter of animals went into effect, Denmark’s Ambassador to Israel dismissed the notion that such a law reflected any antisemitic sentiment, since the rescue of Denmark’s Jews from the ...

He claims the ticket should therefore be invalidated and any penalties and fines canceled. Cambridge, MA, February 16 – Gordon L. Meriwether, a professor of Semitic languages at Harvard Divinity School, is contesting the origin of a speeding ticket issued ...

Jerusalem, Israel (AP) – Jesus of Nazareth, proclaimed the King Messiah by his followers and a spiritual guide to nearly two billion people, after returning as promised, expressed dismay this week at the nearly absolute non-Jewishness of those who venerate ...

Mecca, Saudi Arabia, January 31 – The joke remains relevant, but poignantly less so now: you might find Coca-Cola in the holy city of Mecca, but you will no longer find a Chabad shaliach. After three years of keeping the ...