PreOccupied Territory The News In Advance. Barely.

"I could do such a better job with 'O Unholy One Who Darkens the Sun'. And he always uses the same stupid tune."

“No one needs to hear how righteous you are when we all know you’re only interested in chugging enough liquor to pass out and maybe throw up six or seven times along the way.” Jerusalem, March 8 – A resident ...

“Glorying in the violent, targeted deaths of children because they are ‘agents of Apartheid’ or some other falsehood – well, that makes Allah glad He decided to gradually withdraw His favor from the Islamic world some time ago. Now the process ...

Ḥoni attracted criticism for his confrontational, almost embarrassing, encounter with God, but his critics conceded that his “familial” position in the divine “household” had helped them. Mr. Beast, too, has faced criticism for some of his philanthropic efforts. Greensboro, February ...

Up to thirty percent of the cases of ancient graves discovered in the course of construction excavation never, in fact, existed, except in the imaginations of Haredi protesters provoked to demonstrate against various public works projects by Big Pashkevil. Jerusalem, ...

(((Somebody))) altered those people’s DNA before they were killed and thrown into a well. Jerusalem, January 23 – Researchers who extracted and analyzed genetic material from centuries-old human tissue discovered that no sequence of nucleic acids coding for cephalic keratin ...

“They’re just so quick to make assumptions about me because of my appearance.” Jerusalem, January 12 – A resident of this city whose insecurities come to the fore upon encountering visibly-observant Jews blames the phenomenon on observant Jews for mentally ...

“We are also aware of one special case of devotion involving urinating on the roof of the building, but not everyone reaches that level, so to speak.” Jerusalem, January 3- A local worshiper has taken the next logical step in ...

European progressives called the development unfortunate, but a predictable outcome of Israeli policies. Bethlehem, December 25 – A group of terrorists operating in the traditionally-accepted birthplace of Jesus interdicted the passage of St. Nicholas’s reindeer-pulled vehicle tonight as it passed ...

A part of the service that seldom, if ever, features anything but quiet recitation and on a regular afternoon takes perhaps thirty seconds, not the four minutes this rendition required. Jerusalem, December 14 – A rift has developed in the ...